A Vision of a Kiss to die for

A Vision of a Kiss to Die for From Animals to, Politics and Peace


A Kiss to Die For

It was about a year and a half ago that I had to leave the house I called home. I left behind a wife and two children all whom I loved very much. It was my daughters 12th Birthday March, 16 2003. I felt very alone and hurt, my wife had nothing nice to say to me, just more accusations, certainly; not what I wanted to hear on such a special day. In the previous year and two months I had to deal with issues that no man or woman should ever have to deal with. I was the victim several times over. I was accused of things that I didn’t do or say, and I knew the truth. The problem was that the accusations silenced my voice; I was not given a chance to provide a legitimate defense. No professionals were listening to the words that I was speaking, my problems were insignificant. The people that did listen generally had no authority to change what was happening to me. Those that would see the truth to hear and understand had no way of helping me. The truth would set me free; there is no chemical compound that would replace my real need to have the truth told and heard, and to be believed.

In dealing with all of my issues, the problems that I faced, I chose to further my education by studying Criminal Justice. I was learning that all of the things that had happened to me were not supposed to happen. One of my instructors would say, “It is not a perfect world that we live in,” although in some respects; I agree that this is not a perfect world, it would go against my real convictions that the world is perfectly created. This creation has a beginning and an end, but for now we are here. For such a time as this, we are here to see the doors opened to true love, the love shared by others and ourselves. This is the evidence, the footprint of the creator that our spirit is connected to the greatest spirit of all.

I was trying to rebuild my life; I had become upset with my employer. The company that I was working for I felt was responsible for some of the troubles that I was having. I was left holding the bag for something that I didn’t do, and my employer and my wife had talked about information perpetuated by the local police chief. I believe that single conversation would change our lives forever, my wife would have ammunition to attack me and my employer would learn that the detective was a liar in another court case. The problems of my life were starting to get all tangled up in the lie of a detective and I had no idea what would happen next, as I turned to my comfort, the guide for my life a book of religious convictions, a book called the Bible. I would start to see that even the Bible was misconstrued about the message provided. Through all that I went through I would know that a great spirit such as that of God the message should not ever contradict what was written before. I began to see that the thumb print of man was eschewed all through the holy text. I knew that lying was wrong, and I was right to stand boldly in the face of the false accusations, the words that were levied against me, the words people spoke or falsely reported me saying. On February 13, 2004 I was given a warning for being late getting into work, I wanted to sit down with my employer and they were never available to discuss what was on my mind. I felt isolated and alone, there was much recourse but none to be gained on my own. The man that gave me my warning had a story of his own; he shared of his experience being hit by a vehicle that drove off. He was left thrown off to the side of the street injured and the driver never stopped. An injustice this man told me the coward never stopped to see if he was alright and what of the little girl his daughter whose hand he was holding when he got hit? She had to call for the police and an ambulance. What of the trauma to that little girl? But he had to let go of the pain and suffering caused by another, I tried to explain that I had let go of that pain. For I had been struck down by an injustice, my concern was to never see anything like this ever happen to another ever again. Then I shared with him my story of being a witness to an accident and being falsely accused of saying something that I never said. I explained that in these two accidents he was the lucky one because he never knew the person that had struck him down. I know who attacked me and I know who lied, I could look straight into their eyes. The stories were not the same and in no way should they be compared. My friend would then advise me to get on with my life; he said sometimes it doesn’t work to be the night in shining armor. You need to move on and focus on your job, get into work on time and leave your troubles behind.

On February 19, 2004 I would be set up with a lady a student from school. It was her birthday and we talked with our friend who brought us together for a little. I was not going to let this person get to close to me, but I saw that she was hurt and in need, I listened to her story and I became involved. I thought I could change her world; instead she tried to change me. What she never knew was that I too was street wise. I had seen the work of evil in the people that I spent my time with in my youth. I ran with a crowd that would cheat and steal morality did not exist in the lives of the people that were left behind, the ones that didn’t move on with higher education. I was caught in a world where I didn’t belong, by association I was implicated. I had no foundation to stand on my father was the greatest source of moral strength that I knew, my mother ignored me. My mother threw my father out of our house when I was around the age of ten, and ten years later I would see how that would affect me. The people that were left behind, most were poorer middle class but some were upper class. The ones with the money would provide for the impoverished. And when you had money you became the upper class with many friends, and when you had none you were the scum of the earth. These are not friends at all, they are leaches, money sucking leaches taking and never giving. My lady friend had no idea that I had such experiences; she alarmed me into action to help her. I fell for this tactic not once but several times. Then I began to realize that if we were going to work, one of us needed to make real solid decisions and not waste the money that I had saved on things that were fleeting. I was able to assist financially but that could never be the foundation for a relationship. Then while holding the reigns to our future financially I would make decisions to help us both grow. I explained that in order to move forward we would have a time that would be very lean. By mid March we would seek new housing arrangements and by April I would have put out the funds to establish a new larger residence. During this time period she would have to take care of her finances and be certain not to fall behind ending up in jail. My words fell on deaf ears, I knew that putting out the first and last months rent plus the security I would not and could not afford to bail anyone out of jail. Unfortunately; an incident occurred and wouldn’t you know it my friend ends up in jail.

Shortly before her going to jail I noticed that the high mileage vehicle that I recently purchased had a problem with the engine, the oil pressure was fluctuating. The added miles on the vehicle for the numerous trips to bail my friend out of jail could not be wasted. We had discussed that I couldn’t allow the vehicle to run those long runs, or if we did I had to be there, surely one of those times the engine would stop functioning. If something terrible like engine failure was about to occur I wanted to be there maybe something in my experience as being a mechanic would allow me to pick up on a problem that I might be able to keep the repairs to a minimum, maybe I could catch the problem before it became to major, maybe I would hear something or see a major change in the oil gauge to let me know that I needed to stop and maybe I would be able to save myself or others the heartache of totally losing the engine and feeling that they were responsible. My friend and I had discussed what things needed to be moved immediately and I started the process. Although, I was confused how things could get so messed up, I knew we had enough bedrooms that even though I didn’t want a personal relationship I couldn’t and wouldn’t put my friend out on the street. I needed help with house maintenance and she needed a place for her stuff and her pets. We could blend together and help each other, she tried to reach out to the pain she created and she tried to justify what all had just happened.

By mid April I would try to work things out with my friend. I gave in, to the human calling and desires of the siren and then I would see it again, the fleeting lie, how she took advantage of me at every turn, her lies twisted and spun, like a knot in a fishing line. As the ocean churns from the surge of a storm, the knot would have no definition, her lies went this way and that, only those close to the situation would really know and understand. I no longer wanted to reach out and hold her hand. The evidence was clear she really didn’t care.

During mid April another event would occur, my wife would rise up strengthened in some way by the beginning of May I would seek the need for assistance in a case of divorce. Having been through the gamete of lawyers; the only recourse I had was a man that taught a business law course. He agreed to assist me as divorce was and is his specialty. About the divorce, one of my accusers my wife would change her mind and do what she told me she would never do. She filed suit against me for divorce, she decided or she was convinced she could change history. It was receiving the papers for divorce that would push me back into the arms of the one that wanted me to save her, my friend’s sister told me that I was her saviour. Later I would find that I needed to save myself from a person that was more of a criminal than the criminals that we were studying. And the divorce from my wife rambled along, like a freight train gaining momentum going down a slight grade. The divorce was pulling us down from the mountain top that we had climbed.

Although I would find that later this friend of mine would be the worst person to associate with me. I thought one more time; I would try to make things work out with this friend of mine, the woman that I was living with. She would find me where I was licking my wounds I knew that I needed her comfort, I needed her life to be in alignment with mine. She was there briefly we talked we left together, she wanted to comfort me but I was hurt and tired, I wasn’t putting forth the effort required, to make the evening work. She was getting ready to leave to go back out and I realized that I needed to try just one more time. If not for me but to make her see, that what is dormant deep inside of me is very real, I went outside and I looked deep into her eyes, a kiss is what we would share, passionate deep and caring, a kiss that is very rare, a kiss so special it would make your head spin. There was magic in that kiss, and I knew that I possessed the key to make that a magic kiss. The key would be to retain the magic of that moment for an eternity, it would take a person that is special not worldly, a unique person with the ability to know me and deeply care about me, to make that magic work. Although the kiss was magic between my friend and me, it wasn’t a lasting magic, special and sweet I would soon learn that it wasn’t the love that I searched for, for she would be involved in even more criminal activities.

The divorce was a catalyst for my actions to make things right with my friend. I wanted to be so involved in the life of my children that I would do about anything and the divorce that was pending made me scared, and gave me reason to think that; in a house with a live in roommate, I might not be in the position to demand the custody of my children. My thinking was if I provided a two parent home for my children I might be able to gain custody, so I had to make things work out with this friend of mine, a friend that apparently wanted to make things work out with me. I never wanted to be forced into divorce and certainly didn’t want to fight for custody of my children while going to school and this certainly was not a good way to start a relationship, the real key that was missing was my love. I wasn’t acting out of love by acting in regard to circumstances that surrounded my life.


Things would happen between my friend and me, in the beginning of June I would report her to the police for dodging me sitting in a bar that she drove to on a suspended license. I didn’t mind that she did what she wanted I was not controlling her in that way; it was that she was there while not taking care of the payment that she promised me that night. She said that she wanted to share the economic burden of the large bill that was due and that she could do this from the recent fraud that she committed. Facing the fact that she had the funds to assist in a time of financial difficulty, I didn’t really care what fraud she committed until I learned exactly how this was a fraudulent act as I sat in class. It was odd that the information would be presented to me as it was occurring around me all at the same time. A tactic of the unlawful is to avoid responsibility for their actions they promise one thing and never follow through. My friend could have paid me at school earlier that evening or she could have come to our house and paid me before I went to bed, but instead she decided to avoid seeing me and that would give her more time before having to pay me, a week maybe two, or maybe I would never get paid, it was up to her and how she would feel, like training a pet to jump on command or stay and wait, she played me for a fool.

Then in the middle of June she would file a court document against me a temporary PFA (Protection from Abuse) was granted. This charge would give her the opportunity to cause great emotional harm while deciding if she wanted to leave or force me to formally evict her. The PFA was sought when she saw that I had gone to the court house and received the paper work to start a formal eviction. The PFA would stop the eviction process and leave me helpless to her attacks and accusations. I was served with the PFA on a Thursday night and by Saturday she had filed her first complaint that I had violated the PFA order. Her complaint was that she was able to sneak up behind me and hear my conversation with a friend (Mary). The one that filed the PFA was mad that I was talking about what was going on in my life. I was talking with (Mary) about a report that was left in plain sight for me to read, a report detailing abuse by the woman that filed the PFA, suddenly; I understood just how dangerous this woman was when I read that report and I was thankful that I never let her near my children.

The beginning of July and I was free of the woman that would nearly ruin my life, she was denied a permanent PFA she spoke of violating the law and it was apparent that even though she had been through this experience before she didn’t document the event. A person that has seen the signs of abuse should know to document, document document.

The process of divorce took us through a temporary custody hearing and then it was time to determine the amount of support that would be required. My wife would tell me that she was not after my money and that I didn’t know her, I knew, it was a sin to say one thing and do anther. I was involved in hearings and court cases all through the month of July. I was pulled and pushed told one thing, and then another was happening. My lawyer was even questioned I asked, “Are you working for my wife or for me?” It was a tough time for me, I wasn’t sure if anyone was on my side. The only thing that I could cling to was that I knew the real truth. For the ‘truth’ is with me, in my spirit, and in my words. I am not perfect, but I am innocent of the false accusations levied against me.

On Tuesday and Thursday I would have a break in the school schedule where I would not have to be at school for the first session, the teacher would not be able to make the class, I guess a substitute was not possible, so I would use the time to do things for my self, eating and preparing for the next class to my surprise on Thursday my landlord would stop by. He had some painting supplies with him and he wanted to fix up the house a bit, he said that he was doing it for insurance reasons, and asked if I was interested in buying the property. I asked how much he was selling the property for, there was a pause, I asked again and finally he stated that he was thinking of asking $170,000.00. I knew that I would never pay that much for the property the house was in need of a lot of repair, and although; the location might be right for asking that much I felt the dwelling needed to be razed and I couldn’t afford the mortgage that would be required for that particular property. I was respectful to my landlord and concerned as he started removing porch posts. He started to modify the structure with out having anything to replace what he was removing. I didn’t want the property to become hazardous to live in for me or my children. I expressed my concerns about his workmanship and told him that I couldn’t afford that kind of a price tag for the property

By the end of the month my vehicle needed to be inspected, we were going through evaluation meetings about custody for the children. I was struggling with the visitations, putting forth all of my energies to make my house acceptable for the children to do things with them to show them that I can do so much to help them and I was working and still trying to work out my problems at school. By July 23rd I was able to buy bicycles for me and my son, he wasn’t impressed, I grabbed one of the old ten speeds for my daughter who was going away the following week. She was attending an event at the shore with the church that caused such harm to me and my family. I gave my children a cell phone hoping to keep them in touch with me. I knew that communication would be the key. My son sabotaged me, he wouldn’t go for a bike ride I wanted to take him and his sister over to the river and ride along the paved canal path, a bike trail, something new to do, a change of scenery. We had spent some time together up on Hawk Mountain; and I thought it would be nice to compare the river of rocks at Hawk Mountain to the large bounty of rocks in the park called Ringing Rocks near where we live. They didn’t want to go biking but they enjoyed banging on rocks with hammers making the rocks and boulders ring at Ringing Rocks. We later walked the path leading to a water fall we came back to our vehicle by crossing the little creek many times at one point my son decided he would try going swimming as he was clowning around and slipped into a pool of water. We all laughed and as usual we did have a good time.

On Monday July 26th I came home from work to find a for sale sign on the property that I was renting, what I thought was just a supposed conversation with my landlord was now a reality I had to check into my options I didn’t want to move again. I liked the location of the property; maybe if I could make an offer for the property I could get a mortgage and take care of my needs. I contacted the realtor and talked to a mortgage lender. My hope was in Mr. Hope. You know that things are not going your way when you do not hear from those that you are in contact with, I had no follow up, I know that as we talked my going through the divorce would be a major issue for me to acquire such a property.

My life was in knots, I made an appointment for my vehicle to be inspected on Friday the manager agreed to shuttle me to work and pick me up if I could meet him Wednesday morning July 28th. I made my meeting with my mechanic and of course the vehicle would fail the inspection, hundreds of dollars spent on fluid changes and tire work and I needed to work on the rear brakes, rear wheel cylinders, and all of the four shock absorbers needed to be replaced. Time would be the issue. I had visitation rights with my son on Wednesday evenings and it was a rainy night. I had a lot of things already stored in the garage, so there would be no working in the garage, I could set up a tarp and cover the work area in front of the garage, which I did as quickly and efficiently as I could but I wasn’t spending the time I wanted to spend with my son. I picked him up and before I knew it I had to return him. Then I returned to start the work on the vehicle, about four hours later I had everything completed but I had no time for sleep, an all-nighter and I had school to attend that night after work. I have to be careful something has to give. 36 hours I better get some sleep school is out, my wife and I are to have a meeting with the evaluator on Friday this session would be missed a delivery was scheduled for me and I would be pulled away from the meeting a penalty for missing that meeting would be levied against me.

Saturday I would attend school and afterwards I would try to get my vehicle re-inspected. The mechanic didn’t have the time to attend to my needs that day. My mechanic explained he could do the inspection on Monday the only problem was that he would not be able to shuttle me to and from work, he was scheduled to be off. I promised a coworker that I would attend his Christmas in July party later in the day. So I packed up my bicycle and went to the party then back to the garage to drop off my vehicle and to ride bicycle back to my house. While riding back I needed to pay close attention to how long it would take to ride my bicycle to work, as I would pass by on my way home. I was bound and determined to make it on my own, doing what ever it would take. A friend would drop me off to pick up my vehicle and I wouldn’t have to make the long bicycle ride two towns away to retrieve my vehicle. Finally inspected and paid for I went back to work to retrieve my bicycle and to try to figure out what to do next. I had many projects left to be done. The week prior I put together a cabinet to hold my hunting rifles and gear to be locked away as a responsible person should. I need to finish that project; I needed to keep the house clean as the realtors are showing the property. I need to prepare to be ready to move out if necessary.

Later on Monday August 2nd I would learn how much my penalty for missing that meeting was. I will guarantee that my doing the delivery didn’t pay for me; it was certainly loyalty to the company that affected my choice. Finally I had a fairly smooth week with the exception of not hearing from my daughter they wouldn’t allow her to take the cell phone and her brother had used the phone to accuse me of doing something in a way that was different to what was really going on. He was too young to understand certain motives that were used in dealing with things that happened between his mother and my self. That conversation would lead to more problems at the end of the week when I was supposed to have visitation with the children.

Finally Friday August 5th time for our meeting that I had to cancel. I was really nervous about this meeting regarding custody of the children. I know that I am not showing a stable home environment if I discuss the fact that my house is up for sale. I have to pay the penalty and the evaluator starts by telling us things about our children that concern her. She wants the children evaluated by a specialist. Personally I know that it is the stress between the mother and my self that is causing the problems. But the evaluator says that she want the child evaluated and treated for the same type of thing that I was diagnosed with a condition that was based on information falsely reported about me. The evaluator speaks of the conversation with my daughter she had several weeks prior. Just after my first weekend and overnight visitation that I had with the children. My daughter was cautioned to be wary of Dad, she told the evaluator that she really didn’t feel safe being alone with me. I heard the evaluator loud and clear, I could be set up for more accusations of improprieties something that I would have to be very careful about. That night after the meeting I went to pick up the children for the weekend visitation. I was feeling very upset because it certainly looked like there was no way that I was going to get the recommendation for child custody. My daughter was willing to come along with me, and my son was not. I figured that it was because of the phone conversation that I had with my son earlier in the week, I needed to talk to him about that and not in front of his mother. I waited an hour and a half to try to get my son to come along with me; his mother was coddling the child like he was an infant. I figured this was not helping and maybe the problem was separation anxiety. I was remembering how in the meeting my wife and the evaluator were insisting that my son had a problem. What I was seeing was a child trying to cope with the stress of the separation of his two parents. Being the product of divorced parents I know how real that pain is and I can’t imagine that I would have been able to cope any better if my father wanted to have custody of me. In a way all parents do that, they each want control the situation it is only natural. I wanted my dad to have custody of me but he wouldn’t do that. His life was upside down I know what he was going through; I was now going through it myself. Starting over is what it is called; when you have to remove yourself, from a volatile situation, leaving your house, your home.

Since; I wouldn’t have my normal visitation with my children I hoped that I could catch up with the children the next day. I went to school as usual and afterwards stopped in at the wife’s house, I packed up as much stuff as I could. I cleaned up in the garage, making room for her car to be parked inside. I packed up some vinyl siding that was cluttering up a bench that I had made. I fixed some door knobs on the house. The family never returned home, I left and went back to my place. So desperately I wanted to talk to the children. I unpacked the things that I had moved, not much of my stuff now remained there on that property, some stuff but not much.

Then came Sunday August 8th a new day, I was up early that morning I was having difficulties with my electric razor. I figured it was time to try to fix it. I couldn’t fix the razor in fact as I had the thing apart I realized that it had broken leads to the motor. I tried to make the leads connect properly but I shorted the unit out. I saw that little puff of smoke and knowing that fateful smell of burnt electrical components I knew, this had become a replacement project. If I was to shave I would have to head to the store and buy a new razor. And if I headed to the store to buy a new razor I would also head to my wife’s house to talk to her. And since my son didn’t want to ride his bike with me but he would ride it in his alley behind her house, I would take that with me. And there was an item of contention, a necklace that I had taken possession of. A small voice was speaking to me, I had the thought that my wife didn’t get mad at me on Friday night maybe there was a chance that I could talk to her. And maybe if I bring along a gift, give back to her the necklace then maybe she would talk with me and then maybe I could talk to my children. At the least what did I have to lose? Friday night I was so distraught, and Sunday I felt a ray of hope. I put everything required into the back of my vehicle and I almost forgot to take the necklace. I must thank the spirit from above for guiding my thoughts to do this right.

Arriving at the store shortly after the store opened, I made my purchase to replace that broken razor. I set the bag on the floor of my vehicle and I proceeded to see my wife and children. I arrived and they were still sleeping. Called on the phone so that I could talk with my wife, she came down and I told her how I wanted to speak to the children and how I spent the day on the day before cleaning up around the house. I reached out and held her hand as I talked to her; she put her hand in mine. I asked if we could spend the day together. I explained that I knew how to set us free and that would be found in the truth. I had her stand up and I gave her a hug and apologized for the way things were. I invited her out to my vehicle I explained that sometimes I cannot fix everything I showed her the new razor and told her that we would have to start a new. I showed her the bike that I was giving to my son and finally I gave to her the necklace. She accepted the necklace and we went back to the house. We held hands going from place to place. We put the children to bed and I was getting ready to take my leave, she was there with me, I turned to kiss her good night. That little voice appeared again, I heard the command to give her a real kiss, a passionate kiss, one that she would never forget, I turned back, the longing desire heightened emotions and I embraced her and kissed her with all of the passion of a star, she trembled and said that she was feeling dizzy. With that she fell to her knees, I tried to hold her up, she was out and falling her face lost all expression and I looked deeply into her eyes. Her eyes lost all life, focused straight ahead. I cried out, “Mary! Come Back…” She came right back and snapped out of her faint. I pulled her back up to her feet and asked her if she was ok. She said she felt ok but wanted to know what she was doing on the floor she didn’t remember anything from the time that she told me she was feeling dizzy to the time she could feel the dog licking her ankle feeling the pain in her toe nail from her toe being bent backwards. Later we talked and laughed about the incident. I told her that a song came to mind, “I died in your arms tonight.” We went back into the living room where she sat down on the couch. I went to bring her a glass of water from the kitchen. Kneeling down before her I reached up and kissed her again. We spent the night together, and every night since. I am praying for many more. We have a lot of issues and have spent a lot of time talking this past week. Mary has been in contact with the family Doctor and they are checking to see if she has a heart condition. The wonders of modern medicine, she was on a diet pill that was recalled ‘Ephedra’ was the main ingredient and now of course is associated with heart problems.

On Wednesday night my wife Mary had a doctor’s appointment to figure out why she passed out on Sunday night, I wanted to be there with her. I worked a little later than I wanted to and immediately after work I went to the florist to by a bouquet of flowers and in-particular I wanted two roses, one the Darkest most beautiful Red Color the Color of Love. I wanted to surprise her with the flowers at the doctor’s office, although; I had to pick up a few things at my rental unit. So I headed off to my rental; while the clock was ticking on my getting to the doctor’s office. Finally I had everything that I needed and I was on my way. How fast can I get from point A to point B? Keep my head on my shoulders this is not a time for a speeding ticket. One more turn and who is driving towards me? Yes! It is her, they were sending her home. I could tell by the look on her face that she was apparently ok. With my son in her car, I turned around and got into the line of traffic behind her. My son wanted a cable end for the antennae cable in his room; I thought if I could get her to see me, we could pick up that simple part. My wife saw my intentions and while I was behind her she followed my signals that took us to the local stores. She needed a few things also; so we combined the trip and talked about her doctor’s visit and how we never seemed to do things together before. And we spent so many hours talking, we talked ourselves to sleep, and we woke up and talked some more. So many issues and I knew, this was the right thing to do.

On Thursday I was supposed to get into work early and I was late, for that I received my second reprimand which includes a three day suspension. Needless to say I was in no condition to be tested that night, at school. I had a test in one of my classes. I always do poorly under extreme stress situations. I’ve had this teacher for two quarters now in three different classes and we know, I do not do well under extreme stress. I believe that this is natural, a natural condition in the human mind just as natural as getting angry when someone violates your rights, your code of ethics or your morality. We are all used to a particular conduct and to violate this can be distressing naturally upsetting. How do you act when someone violates you in ways to which you are not accustomed?

I also missed the Saturday class for another meeting with the evaluator. My wife was reluctant in admitting that I am back in her house and that we are working on reconciliation. It also became apparent to the evaluator that there are issues from both of us and our abusive childhoods that are interfering with our ability to raise normal and healthy happy children. So many issues are present. Since June, there is a new arrival in her life a man that she has met on the internet. Now I am the one in competition for her love. How do you win in a war that is about love? You love and you become the best lover the world has ever known. I wonder if you will see that in me.



An Animals Kiss

If one was to sit in the middle of a room in a chair and the door is open, who would enter in and pass you by? And what would you observe, GOD Bless the peace keepers...

An Open room with a table in the center and while sitting at the chair watching the things going on around me and balancing my check book...

Miss Emily (You met our Golden) decided she wanted to be friends with Miss Meeka (The newest addition a cat). While moving about the house and Miss Valerie (a young Blonde) became excitedly concerned that Miss Emily might hurt Miss Meeka, well the ensuing chaos was quite amusing. I watched from the point of let the Spirit reveal to you the secret of the moment. Mrs. Mary was working at the New computer Armoire which holds her new computer, and not seeing and knowing all that is happening. We were not thinking that Miss Emily is making peace in the house, and Miss Meeka is not interested in any of it. So' who does Miss Meeka run to, she perched upon a little bookcase behind me and I made a mistake, she got my attention by knocking down a few CD's that were laying up there. She perched upon the book case and I tried to clear the spot for her. I tried to welcome my friend and make her more comfortable and she moved far away. That is when the chaos was resumed. Miss Emily was getting quite the stark response from Mrs. Mary. And I sat there wondering what will happen next? Not really sure what to do, I knew we (Mrs. Mary and I) had just finished a conversation about playing with Mr. Louie. We talked about him and his talons that could be quite lethal. We talked earlier while I was playing with him, with my feet under the covers. I might not want to pull away Mrs. Mary told me to make sure that I stay with him if his instincts get the best of me.

Well with the Chaos between Miss Emily and Miss Meeka, I pointed out that maybe Miss Meeka is invoking some sort of instinct, in Miss Emily and we need to not, become harsh with Miss Emily for acting like a dog. At or soon after that moment the king of the family Mr. Louie came over and rubbed up against the leg of Miss Emily, this to the surprise of me and Mrs. Mary, our jaws both dropped. The dog a friend to the cats? Well it was our position all along but the rabbit and squirrel incidents the level of trust was diminished. This was like the animals just trying to make a point for us to witness. Mr. Louie promptly became the traitor, but I saw something different that we all laughed about. Mrs. Mary called Miss Valerie in to the room to tell about the traitor that Mr. Louie was while Miss Meeka was comforted by me. I held Miss Meeka in my lap who was quite disgruntled with the dog, 'Miss Emily.' While holding Miss Meeka, Miss Emily came close to me but at a distance with one hand securing Miss Meeka still quite aggravated Miss Emily reached out her tongue and licked my other hand... I took my now well scented hand and proceeded to pass the kiss onto Miss Meeka... Miss Emily then laid down and Mr. Louie and Mr. Fluffy both paraded around Miss Emily without fear from them. Somehow they know that Miss Emily isn't going to harm them, Miss Meeka has yet to fully comprehend this and if she continues to withdrawal from the clutches that she finds herself in she will certainly provoke instincts that are quite alert, and in tune to everything that is going on around themselves. The best thing to do when you find yourself in a situation where you are about to be attacked by a vicious animal say you see a bear or a cobra poised to attack? You never turn your back, but you back out very slowly and cautiously. It is called making a safe retreat. This could save your skin and the hides of many of your friends.

Interesting to see things in the perception of the world around you looking in from the outside and suddenly feeling that you are on the inside and looking out. And a much larger picture is suddenly emerging.

Of something that was discussed a while back, the Sun could it rise up from the west? Why not? Without supernatural intervention, the rotation of the Earth would have to be stopped. But of that happening, could it? Not likely. The consequence, of the rotation of the Earth wobbling and inverting it is truly possible. This event could happen and during such an event we could see changes in weather patterns and they certainly could at random be great or small, or both. All at once or none at all... But of the thing that would change is the respective polarity of the poles because of the new alignment as the centrifugal rotation is once again established for an unknown specified period of time.

In all what this comes to is that while this shift in and of itself is possible to happen it could also be a trigger for those hair trigger phenomenon to do their dirty work... Basically stating that with all of the environmental stress that people press upon the environment and nature being nature, it is knowable that there exists a high factor for a particular event to happen and in succession many things could happen; or all things could happen at once...

What I find interesting about politics and social structure is the idea of surrender, when you know all else has or will fail, the only thing you can do is to take a bow, and sacrifice ALL to the GOD that requires your repentance and obedience.

Last night I went to bed, after my wife who was clearly disgruntled by the fact that my time on the computer is quite demanding, on me and my relationship with her. As Eretz pointed out it is balance and you have to balance all things together really well, and then juggle them too. So many people juggle their finances, but the check book never balances. They rely on other to check the math. We all make mistakes; from time to time that is reality. But it is also, reality to have a person, tell you something, and you have to listen, and pay careful attention to detail. If you succeed at that, you will have knowledge, and from that you can discern; what could be, from what 'if,' to know what did...

I'm not a fan of killing and I have no doubt that many lives were lost in the holocaust; I also know that there has been much progress made to overcome the embarrassment that plagues the world of such atrocities. It is never right to make light of a person's plight, I would never tell a survivor of the holocaust to just get over it. The incident happened in the past, come on get with the living, and move on... It was a traumatic episode, it was wrong, it should have never happened. I hate the Nazi's for committing such an act of cruelty, I am American with a German heritage, that was the sins of people that I was long removed from as my German history in America goes way back and has nothing to do with the Nazi regime. So how is it that I would come to think like the Great Karl Marx? What would make me think that there is something more to the story than what is on the surface? And why do I have such a strong conviction to the Belief in a GOD of Creation?

As I was saying last night after going to bed, and bringing the dog into the house and allowing her sleep upstairs. She became restless, and so I put her back, (For you English critics I put the whole dog not just the back of the dog.) out on the back porch. It is cold out there, but she has a great comfortable spot to curl upon. Dogs do remarkably well in this cold weather, isn't that strange? Give them food and water and some Loving attention and they manage quite well. So finally I'm heading off to sleep and my wife wakes me up at three o'clock in the morning. She starts to ask questions, and I try to explain, she never read what I wrote, she loves me, but she doesn't read my writings, and yet she loves to read, she hates politics. While I am interested in politics and other sciences; I would try to get my daughter interested in my writing as well. Why is this stuff like pulling teeth? I guess, it didn't help when I read that four page document on the ‘Evolution of Religion’ to her taking more than a minute of her time. I read on for about what, twenty minutes or so? I read aloud to my daughter and I became so choked up on the words that I had written, it probably turned her off from politics forever! While at the same time, I think she knew. This paper it was something very special to me, her mother didn't catch on to that. I think it is a work unto itself. Like a biography or a thesis statement. What really would impress me is to see what my son thinks about it.

My Son worked with the other computer the other day doing research on Martin Luther King and he, out of the blue, told me that he could envision me being just like MLK
So at three o'clock in the morning I started to share with my wife, “the woman that was looking for a hero, of a man.” She wanted me to help her, and I told her that I would hold her up; I told her I needed a woman that I can put onto that pedestal and lift up and support, the woman that reaches down and pulls me up and helps me grow... I told her not to worry about the time that I spend on the computer, it is fleeting, it is necessary for me to do my work and the work that I do is to share the knowledge that will set straight the path for our country and make possible for a day of peace around the world.

I told her how the world evolved from the primitive Earth, the growing of the land from the center of the molten core, the smaller mass that was growing outward when the ocean covered the Earth and was then separated as the land like spikes started shooting upward to the surface growing out and up and as this happened large pieces of land fell into the ocean causing great waves to splash up on distant shores, I told how life evolved in many locations some developed and grew and never relocated while some of the land masses grew and broke off and as the center of the Earth grew outward and upward and as plates carried large portions of land away and divided one mass into several masses where the life forming and growing over time became different and evolved, great numbers were created and the land supported all of them.

I told my wife of the future, and of the current dangers, that we face. How our low lying communities are threatened. I told her of the threat to our great society, the financial ruin, that ‘we as a society’ we’re on the verge of being destroyed, because of our greed. How over so many centuries one group of people had controlled the wealth. While many had died for a lack of means to grow and barter for the goods that they made, or needed. I talked about the good and the bad, the corruption in our government, and how our democratic capitalistic society, has failed our fellow man. I explained that corruption is the key to the evil in our world, even in socialistic forms of government when the few control the health of so many, such a great responsibility they have.

I took about an hour of her time, talking and sharing my thoughts, she claims to have been listening. I wonder? Once I told her as much as I could, I then told her that I loved her... She knows this and she has known for a long time. She asked me, “if I made the right choice?” I assured her, “I know I did.” I told her that I had my doubts a couple of times and that is well documented. Probably those thoughts are put together better on her side of the story; but I to, had a side of the story, that was less known. And I knew that I wasn't wrong for being a man and alive. I was and am living on instinct, a survivor, first and a helper of others second.

In part of the conversation, we were talking about dogs and cats, and how the animals live on instincts, and how we should never interfere with the instincts of animals or people. But sadly enough it appears as if we have found a way to interfere with peoples instincts and thought processes. We have taken away an important tool, communication... Expressions of thought, we made certain thoughts taboo... We put curses upon people and ideas and we failed to see how we would curse the next generation by restricting their freedoms to think instinctively. We had a lot of laughter yesterday as I took my daughter to get checked out for an irritation that developed on her hands. See she was using chemical creams on her skin, you know how I love the chemical companies? Don't you? Well anyway after seeing the doctor we had a grocery list of things we needed to buy. So off to the pharmacy we go, my daughter asks the pharmacist to fill the doctors list, but because most of the items were over the counter cleansers, lotions, creams, and cotton gloves. We were directed to the isles to locate the items for ourselves. The pharmacist looked at me kind of odd, and I explained, “she had purchased fragrant crème or lotion chemicals, and now needed to purchase more chemicals to repair the damaged caused by the chemicals she first purchased.” With that I added, "I hate chemical companies." As much as it is my will to keep certain things out of my house and no matter how many times I try to explain it, I am always the bad guy because I am saying, “there are things that we need to abstain from.” Does this mean that ALL chemicals are bad? Certainly I have not said that, but what I have said, is that I like the way that GOD made things naturally. Maybe that sense of smell is also a tool, to tell us that we have gotten to close, to some one or something, it is like a proximity alarm. Maybe with the sense of smell, we are greeting, in the New Year, with the fragrance of spring, and with so much to do... With that knowledge, we spring to life, where the living is grand, and as we do for ourselves, we also do for others, working in a community living and accepted by society...

So this morning I walked my son to school. You know the type of school that is a public school where the school is part of the Community School district, the community where we pay our community taxes, from the pay check that has removed from it our Social Security Savings... Or our future retirement savings plan with matching funds from our employer, in the form of 401K's... And of course we can't ever forget that almighty Health Care Insurance for that great Social System of Medical Care... But in a Democracy we have our Freedoms to Choose... We can go to work or we can work around our homes... But we don't get paid for our homework, it is voluntary... There are ‘no beliefs’ in paying ‘benefits’ to those that help solve, the problems of our government in a system that doesn't believe in GOD...

The Future of Democracy

Of something that was discussed a while back, the Sun could it rise up from the west? Why not? Without supernatural intervention, the rotation of the Earth would have to be stopped. But of that happening, could it? Not likely. The consequence, of the rotation of the Earth wobbling and inverting it is truly possible. This event could happen and during such an event we could see changes in weather patterns and they certainly could at random be great or small, or both. All at once or none at all... But of the thing that would change is the respective polarity of the poles because of the new alignment as the centrifugal rotation is once again established for an unknown specified period of time.

In all what this comes to is that while this shift in and of itself is possible to happen it could also be a trigger for those hair trigger phenomenon to do their dirty work... Basically stating that with all of the environmental stress that people press upon the environment and nature being nature, it is knowable that there exists a high factor for a particular event to happen and in succession many things could happen; or all things could happen at once...

What I find interesting about politics and social structure is the idea of surrender, when you know all else has or will fail, the only thing you can do is to take a bow, and sacrifice ALL to the GOD that requires your repentance and obedience.

Last night I went to bed, after my wife who was clearly disgruntled by the fact that my time on the computer is quite demanding, on me and my relationship with her. As Eretz pointed out it is balance and you have to balance all things together really well, and then juggle them too. So many people juggle their finances, but the check book never balances. They rely on other to check the math. We all make mistakes; from time to time that is reality. But it is also, reality to have a person, tell you something, and you have to listen, and pay careful attention to detail. If you succeed at that, you will have knowledge, and from that you can discern; what could be, from what 'if,' to know what did...
I'm not a fan of killing and I have no doubt that many lives were lost in the holocaust; I also know that there has been much progress made to overcome the embarrassment that plagues the world of such atrocities. It is never right to make light of a person's plight, I would never tell a survivor of the holocaust to just get over it. The incident happened in the past, come on get with the living, and move on... It was a traumatic episode, it was wrong, it should have never happened. I hate the Nazi's for committing such an act of cruelty, I am American with a German heritage, that was the sins of people that I was long removed from as my German history in America goes way back and has nothing to do with the Nazi regime. So how is it that I would come to think like the Great Karl Marx? What would make me think that there is something more to the story than what is on the surface? And why do I have such a strong conviction to the Belief in a GOD of Creation?

As I was saying last night after going to bed, and bringing the dog into the house and allowing her sleep upstairs. She became restless, and so I put her back, (For you English critics I put the whole dog not just the back of the dog.) out on the back porch. It is cold out there, but she has a great comfortable spot to curl upon. Dogs do remarkably well in this cold weather, isn't that strange? Give them food and water and some Loving attention and they manage quite well. So finally I'm heading off to sleep and my wife wakes me up at three o'clock in the morning. She starts to ask questions, and I try to explain, she never read what I wrote, she loves me, but she doesn't read my writings, and yet she loves to read, she hates politics. While I am interested in politics and other sciences; I would try to get my daughter interested in my writing as well. Why is this stuff like pulling teeth? I guess, it didn't help when I read that four page document on the ‘Evolution of Religion’ to her taking more than a minute of her time. I read on for about what, twenty minutes or so? I read aloud to my daughter and I became so choked up on the words that I had written, it probably turned her off from politics forever! While at the same time, I think she knew. This paper it was something very special to me, her mother didn't catch on to that. I think it is a work unto itself. Like a biography or a thesis statement. What really would impress me is to see what my son thinks about it.

My Son worked with the other computer the other day doing research on Martin Luther King and he, out of the blue, told me that he could envision me being just like MLK.

So at three o'clock in the morning I started to share with my wife, “the woman that was looking for a hero, of a man.” She wanted me to help her, and I told her that I would hold her up; I told her I needed a woman that I can put onto that pedestal and lift up and support, the woman that reaches down and pulls me up and helps me grow... I told her not to worry about the time that I spend on the computer, it is fleeting, it is necessary for me to do my work and the work that I do is to share the knowledge that will set straight the path for our country and make possible for a day of peace around the world.

I told her how the world evolved from the primitive Earth, the growing of the land from the center of the molten core, the smaller mass that was growing outward when the ocean covered the Earth and was then separated as the land like spikes started shooting upward to the surface growing out and up and as this happened large pieces of land fell into the ocean causing great waves to splash up on distant shores, I told how life evolved in many locations some developed and grew and never relocated while some of the land masses grew and broke off and as the center of the Earth grew outward and upward and as plates carried large portions of land away and divided one mass into several masses where the life forming and growing over time became different and evolved, great numbers were created and the land supported all of them.

I told my wife of the future, and of the current dangers, that we face. How our low lying communities are threatened. I told her of the threat to our great society, the financial ruin, that ‘we as a society’ we’re on the verge of being destroyed, because of our greed. How over so many centuries one group of people had controlled the wealth. While many had died for a lack of means to grow and barter for the goods that they made, or needed. I talked about the good and the bad, the corruption in our government, and how our democratic capitalistic society, has failed our fellow man. I explained that corruption is the key to the evil in our world, even in socialistic forms of government when the few control the health of so many, such a great responsibility they have.

I took about an hour of her time, talking and sharing my thoughts, she claims to have been listening. I wonder? Once I told her as much as I could, I then told her that I loved her... She knows this and she has known for a long time. She asked me, “if I made the right choice?” I assured her, “I know I did.” I told her that I had my doubts a couple of times and that is well documented. Probably those thoughts are put together better on her side of the story; but I to, had a side of the story, that was less known. And I knew that I wasn't wrong for being a man and alive. I was and am living on instinct, a survivor, first and a helper of others second.

In part of the conversation, we were talking about dogs and cats, and how the animals live on instincts, and how we should never interfere with the instincts of animals or people. But sadly enough it appears as if we have found a way to interfere with peoples instincts and thought processes. We have taken away an important tool, communication... Expressions of thought, we made certain thoughts taboo... We put curses upon people and ideas and we failed to see how we would curse the next generation by restricting their freedoms to think instinctively. We had a lot of laughter yesterday as I took my daughter to get checked out for an irritation that developed on her hands. See she was using chemical creams on her skin, you know how I love the chemical companies? Don't you? Well anyway after seeing the doctor we had a grocery list of things we needed to buy. So off to the pharmacy we go, my daughter asks the pharmacist to fill the doctors list, but because most of the items were over the counter cleansers, lotions, creams, and cotton gloves. We were directed to the isles to locate the items for ourselves. The pharmacist looked at me kind of odd, and I explained, “she had purchased fragrant crème or lotion chemicals, and now needed to purchase more chemicals to repair the damaged caused by the chemicals she first purchased.” With that I added, "I hate chemical companies." As much as it is my will to keep certain things out of my house and no matter how many times I try to explain it, I am always the bad guy because I am saying, “there are things that we need to abstain from.” Does this mean that ALL chemicals are bad? Certainly I have not said that, but what I have said, is that I like the way that GOD made things naturally. Maybe that sense of smell is also a tool, to tell us that we have gotten to close, to some one or something, it is like a proximity alarm. Maybe with the sense of smell, we are greeting, in the New Year, with the fragrance of spring, and with so much to do... With that knowledge, we spring to life, where the living is grand, and as we do for ourselves, we also do for others, working in a community living and accepted by society...

So this morning I walked my son to school. You know the type of school that is a public school where the school is part of the Community School district, the community where we pay our community taxes, from the pay check that has removed from it our Social Security Savings... Or our future retirement savings plan with matching funds from our employer, in the form of 401K's... And of course we can't ever forget that almighty Health Care Insurance for that great Social System of Medical Care... But in a Democracy we have our Freedoms to Choose... We can go to work or we can work around our homes... But we don't get paid for our homework, it is voluntary... There are ‘no beliefs’ in paying ‘benefits’ to those, that help solve, the problems of our government in a system that doesn't believe in GOD...

The Vision;

So’ where was I going with all of this and the invasion into Iraq? This ‘war’ we are in attempting to impose ‘our’ wonderful system of Democracy. Where once again, we will fail to spread our beliefs, in democratic rule, like in Vietnam, or Cuba... I had this picture of a disease being injected into the Middle East, where something is being forced upon people like an immunization injection. If only the vaccine will take root and improve the immune system from the evil that passes by. But if the immunity system is already strong from the work that is performed outside, whether it is play or just spending a day away, walking and running throwing Frisbee, playing catch or looking for bunnies with the golden doggy. We all need to exercise, regularly if we are not overburdened with too many other things to do... If I recall the people of the Middle East make pilgrimages to Mecca, on a recent event peace was not the result, but a sign was given from the Heavens a sign that peace is on the way. GOD’s Blessing to ALL. I wonder how many of the farmers in Cambodia said, “Jesus Christ” as that rock fell from the sky and burned up those fields. Surely Jesus could return in any form. In one or in ALL.

The fall of Democracy, the signs, that we need to change course, and direction, when we want to fix Social Security and end up removing what we need, with out a real fix in sight, near sighted thinking leads to short and certain failures. When debt is high and the government has once again over spent to bring war and line the pockets of the wealthy, while the persecuted poor are left behind. When the President is waving a white flag, but nobody is listening, A program of No Child Left behind, a call to other nations that we know we are going down soon Democracy will fail and the Third World Nations will be empowered and we the Child of Civilization have just realized the error of our ways, we have finally grown up to see the foolishness of our youth and to become accountable to the rest of the world for our use and make no excuses admitting that we are a greedy nation. We have oppressed many people and possessed the power to help so many yet we suppressed and depressed other nations and our time is at hand where we now acknowledge that our gluttony is a sin. We need to make a bridge of peace from with in the system, from with in our religion, from with in our own hearts. For we are the terrorist in our own backyard, and we have failed to acknowledge our own faults as a country and a people we have twisted and lied, we changed the course of history by forcing people to submit to writing only from the perspective of the Government first. We have suppressed the Truth over time, we can evidence this in the letter written by Daniel Boone, his testimony. While true, it is prejudiced, and that is so obvious. In the end we start to find that ALL people are to be equal, brothers. And that is the key for me. We are a prejudiced nation and it is in our religion that the prejudice was first written.

Prejudice, like a pendulum can swing, first you have negative prejudice that leads to bigotry and harm to other people. This can happen by having false statements written into the record. Or it is just as simple as becoming upset at a particular look, or holding a particular thought. Senator John Kerry getting excommunicated from the Catholic Church is a good example. Negative prejudice can control the thoughts of other people, it is bad or evil.

And then there is positive Prejudice, where we give to much credit or protection to any one particular group in society and this also causes an imbalance in the Social system.

It is something to consider, negative and positive, we need to remove the evil and work on equality for ALL