Monday, February 22, 2010

A Vision of Heaven, Mary and Joseph

Okay, I began to share that I had this vision of Heaven, I rambled on about my court case because of the vision on 6-23-2001. My next vision came 1-6-2002, it was three days after the County court hearing. After the County court hearing it took me three days to write up all that happened, the reason it took so long was because of my work schedule, first I outlined all that happened and then I transcribed my outline into a word document. Once the word document was completed I saved it, shared it, found a message board participated briefly and went to bed.

I had shared an outline of the District court hearing via e-mail with a couple of people that I became friends with, including the programmers or drive engineers of the Christian radio station that I was listening to. I had just recently been connected myself to the internet, and was exploring web sites so I learned of the site for the radio station and figured out the contact us application and made contact.

I didn't do message boards until I had completed the County court outline. I was on the internet sharing the outline and suddenly there was this flashing link, so I followed the link by clicking on it and it took me to the first message board forum that I would log into and create my first identity. I shared with these people there in of all places the Religion forum, I remember some of the identities that were on line at the time. PonyBoy took a strange interest in meeting me and that I had a story to share. I also remember meeting Paul Hale. So I made my introductions and I went to bed.

That night around midnight I had this strange vision, I was totally at peace for I had accomplished writing up the County court hearing in outline form, and in the midst of this great relief and the quiet of the night laying in bed and looking up at about 11:00 if I drew a circle with my hand like the face of a clock in the position of the 11 I saw a light, a speck of light it looked like a star that appeared and hovered in that position, and a guide came to me pulling my spirit towards the star, I remember floating and then being in an upright position and transcending towards the star. My guide didn't take me all the way to the center of the star, we stopped short. Just before we stopped I could feel the energy of the star, the presence of the power that was so calming, it was so peaceful, a euphoric peace the kind you never want to leave the kind you want more of the kind of peace that is magnetic and draws you in. A pure and holy peace that you will never want to leave. I knew what I was feeling and what I was being shown, it was truly of GOD.

I didn't see the face of GOD I was only close enough to feel a little of the peace of heaven, the kind of peace you will never forget. Then I was returned to my bed, I remember the whole thing as though it happened just yesterday. I sat up and looked at the clock, midnight I was astounded because I had always slept through the night no problem. Maybe it was the relief from getting that outline written, that sense of accomplishment even though it wasn't a book I knew I captured all the important details. As I looked at the clock I had the song this sweet hour of prayer in or on my mind, I started thinking about the song and next I was thinking of new lines for the song. I never had a poetic experience like that before, this was new to me it was why I sat up and looked at the clock, I knew I had to write down some of these lines and so I got up out of bed and went down stairs turning on the computer and going straight to the message board to post a few lines that were running through my mind.

I have heard of poetic justice but what I experienced was poetic injustice I remember sharing that and I remember a reply,

Blessed is he who comes on his knees at this sweet hour of prayer.

It was a welcome, after doing a whole lot of writing and rhyming of which I felt I could have gone on forever just rhyming and writing line after line, but I made my post finished up quickly and went back to bed. I wanted to be fresh for work the next day.

I was good prior to that event, but after that vision I felt like a new person even better.

I had a vision which was like Deja'vu when I was a child and after going to bed the night of 1-6-2002 at some point prior to the involuntary committal I had another vision, it was the conception of Jesus. It was kind of bizarre but it made complete sense. Mary the mother of Jesus was a virgin never having born a child and Joseph and Mary conceived Jesus through natural intercourse. I didn't see the act, but I knew what the message was in my vision I felt kind of voyeuristic, and yet there was no pornography again the people I saw were like shadows, the images of the people in action.

Then after the involuntary committal I was able to do some other interesting things, involving poetry, I was shown things as others shared.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

The Wedding

The Wedding

We went through a lot each of us, Mary and I, we both had a lot of issues with the way we were raised, I hated the fact that my parents ended up getting divorced and I didn’t like the lies that I knew my mother told.

Mary made the choices on things that I should have been more involved in she really didn’t lead me into her thinking she liked to be independent expecting me to know or to read her mind. We lacked some very basic communication skills and this would create a problem much later in our relationship. I allowed Mary to do these things after all once the deed was done I couldn’t undo what she had done, on occasion I was able to intervene but I often paid a very high penalty for putting my feet down and doing things correctly as a team was not worth the effort after a while. I realized that I was missing something in my life a connection, I’ve often written about the missing connection. There was a time when she bought a bicycle it was a mountain bike I wanted her to have a more conventional ten speed a woman’s bike maybe one that matched the bike she already owned so that we had a set a his and hers, her bike was a bike built for men a good bike but I thought it would be neat to have a pair so we bought another bike not the mountain bike but a matching bike that made a set. Was the reason to buy the bike because, I didn’t have a bicycle and she wanted to ride together? I don’t know, while I had been working so hard to fulfill my responsibilities that I had no energy left to go for a ride. I know that daylight on my life had been setting as the pace was so fast and exhausting I had no idea how I had put myself in a position to have over dedicated my life to supporting myself and my wife. Eventually we would be three and four; and then we would get all torn apart, by a group of people with no heart, no love for the truth and no conscience to do the job that they were employed to do.

The day of our Wedding was 5-23-87 Memorial day the new pastor Jonathan Yoder made a big deal about giving honor to the veterans that gave their all for our freedoms the service, his first wedding in his commission as Pastor, of this church. A fairly new endeavor for him and us a church that I thought was built on solid Christian fundamentals as I admired the members of the congregation and their children who appeared to be different than the other people and peers that I grew up with in our community. I would find out later that with the changes of leadership the two newest Preachers and Satanists; Burge Troxel, and Andrew Gysi they would and could lead this congregation into the vile muck, polluting not only the current good works of all churches, but exposing the slime created by these extremists. All through out history, the past evils, of organized religion I was going to learn just how something good can be turned evil so as to allow the evil of the outside world into an organization supposedly dedicated to do good. It is when the leaders do not follow the path of preaching and teaching that is the foundation of the word of GOD found in the Bible. Instead the new leadership would follow the teachings of the world and they would support and hide the truth being involved in the ways of evil to destroy the lives of good people, the lies that would end up tearing my family apart.

The service for our wedding went like this, Jonathan Yoder, a good man and a good pastor officiated at the service, little did he know the evil that was to follow or did he? You be the judge.

The guitar group sang for us, Rose Marie Fischer on guitar, Sherrie Moore and Keith Lentz along with Margaret Wenhold.

Let us pray, Our father in heaven we thank you for the peace that can be in our hearts through Jesus Christ We thank you that you are present here with us today on a special occasion we thank you that you care so much about us that you are right here with us We pray that you would bless this ceremony this service as we have come together under your lordship, under your authority to unite this man and woman in marriage. May you then bless all that is done for your honor and for your glory in Jesus name, Amen.

I ask the audience to be seated at this time.

I count it a real joy to welcome you this morning to this marriage ceremony uniting Gary Landis and Mary Keegan in marriage. My name is Jonathan Yoder and I am the pastor here of this church East Swamp Church. It has been a real privilege for me to have become acquainted with Gary and Mary and to have shared with them on many occasions over the past several months. Our desire is that this ceremony today this time together here be that which honors and glorifies our GOD and our lord and savior Jesus Christ and we invite you to enter into worship with us This marriage ceremony today.

Pastor Yoder;
Who gives this woman in marriage to this man?

My Father I think was asked to present Mary for our wedding. Mary had a lot of conflicts with her father who was suffering from Diabetes and was present in his wheel chair. I do…Was spoken and the service proceeded.

Pastor Yoder;
Gary and Mary I’d like to share a few words with you about marriage and what it means. This weekend is Memorial Day weekend it culminates in a holiday on Monday to celebrate called Memorial Day now why do we have Memorial Day why do we celebrate this particular holiday? Yes, it is the first major of the spring and summer season it is time to go camping, or to visit friends or to have a backyard barbeque yet all of these activities are not the major purpose of the holiday. Memorial Day is on the calendar for one major reason. That is to remember those who died in military service, to those who gave their lives in fighting for their country so that we can enjoy the benefits of freedom. In short we remember on this time this weekend the commitment made, commitment to a cause, to the point even of death. Not only is this true in the military but it is also true in the same principle when it comes to marriage. Marriage according to GOD’s perspective is first of all a commitment as you make a commitment to a cause a commitment to a purpose that being to your spouse cleaving yourself to your spouse until death do you part. The Bible says that a man and a woman are to leave all other ties and they’re to be glued together and they are to become one flesh. Gary and Mary, that is GOD’s plan for you that you stick together, that you be glued together until death. That takes commitment a commitment you can not make in your own strength you need then the help of Jesus Christ. GOD has designed marriage so that we need to depend upon him to help us in our marriage relationship, and one reason why many marriages are not successful or happy is because many times we as human beings as spouses we try to be committed on our own strength and we fail because we fail to consult the lord we fail to allow GOD’s strength to guide us and to solidify our relationship. We think we can do it in and of our own strength, and we cannot. In other words many times we like to think that we have it all together, when we really do not. There is in all of us a hunger and a thirst for Relationship for intimate close relationships, a longing for intimacy. And GOD knew that and he has designed marriage as one way where by we can have that need for intimacy met. To satisfy that longing for companionship, but I also said at the same time that no human person can completely satisfy the need for companionship that all of us here today have, that’s why we need above all human relationships we need to have in our own lives a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He needs to be in our hearts and to be received by faith, we need to be committed to him and then we will be able to be committed to our spouse in a way that will honor GOD. Gary and Mary you’ve made this commitment to Christ you’ve shared together about that now continue that on a daily basis and draw from that as you are married in a marriage relationship see it’s not enough just to know that GOD exists or to believe that Jesus Christ is alive, we need to know him personally and make that our personal relationship. Now most of you here today in the audience, know who I am, I introduced myself but you don’t really know me. Some of you have met me and some have not, it’s very possible to know someone by name but to not know them personally and that’s the way it is for many when it comes to Jesus Christ we know who he is, but we really don’t know him in a personal way, in a personal basis. The only way that is possible is by being born again by accepting Jesus Christ as our personal savior. Then we have the power to be committed and to be able to do and fulfill the purpose for our existence which is to honor GOD and to glorify him through our lives Commitment in marriage comes as you know Jesus Christ in a personal way Gary and Mary I challenge you this morning to keep Jesus Christ in the center of your relationship keep him central in all that you do. Now when we think of marriage we think of love and that what GOD’s Love really is it’s commitment the total giving of one’s self whenever you read the word Love in the Bible that is what it means. The total giving of one’s self irregardless of feelings or circumstances. And this kind of love is usually expressed to us in first Corinthians chapter 13, and listen as I read several verses from 1 Corinthians chapter 13 emphasizing GOD’s Love,

1 Corinthians chapter 13 verse 4
Love is patient Love is kind it does not envy it does not boast it is not proud it is not rude it is not self seeking it is not easily angered it keeps no record of wrong

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth it always protects it always trusts it always hopes and it always perseveres. Love never fails.

Where there are prophecies they will cease, where there are tongues they will be stilled. Where there is knowledge it will pass away, notice Love never fails.

And I encourage you to make 1st Corinthians 13 the motto of your marriage and all of the qualities of marriage that’s talked about there from a human standpoint there’s no way you can do that in and of yourself I emphasize that again, we need GOD’s help to show to each other the kind of love that he has given to us in Jesus Christ.

Now as we think of those as well during this weekend of those who have died for our country we not only think of their commitment to a cause but it’s been said of them that they did not die in vain, and that is true. But, I would like to rephrase that statement for our purpose here this morning. I say that in marriage it is important not so much that we don’t talk about dying in vain, what’s important is that we do not live in vain. Living in Vain and the word Vain simply means empty or meaningless Living in Vain is really living a life apart from Jesus Christ and the greatest statement that could be said about you Gary and Mary is that you did not live in vain meaning that your life is worth something it had meaning. That your life separately and together had meaning, and value, and worth and I declare this morning to you that life with meaning that is lived according in relationship with Jesus Christ and involves the binging up your relationship under the control of GOD and his son Jesus Christ also being open to his guidance in your lives. And so purpose in life comes when we live for someone else not for ourselves Life lived for self is meaningless it’s empty it’s futile. Oh it may seem good for a time for a moment but the Bible is very clear Life apart from GOD is a waste. Life lived only for self is a waste it means nothing. Why because we have been created for god by God we have been made by GOD for one purpose so that we can honor him so that GOD can have someone to relate to and we can then relate to him and this can not happen if we live life for ourselves so Gary and Mary selfishness will ruin your marriage faster than anything I know. If you life is patterned in self after selfishness now after you are married. The me first attitude will be what comes next and that kind of life will be lived in vain it will be empty self is a temptation in particularly in marriage, the answer to self is to focus upon Jesus Christ to commit your life to him and then out of that, commit your life to each other and be committed to serving each other, ahead of self. I firmly believe that a marriage relationship of any value what so ever is rooted in Christ. Christ must be central in our lives Oh we can possibly try and make it on our own and maybe be somewhat successful but when it comes to the end life if we live for ourselves GOD will tell us that our lives have been lived in vain.

So Gary and Mary as you live take your marriage everyday give it to Jesus Christ live for him and your marriage will not have been in vain your life will not have been in vain but will have been in a relationship which brings you much joy and happiness and also the relationship with a blessing of GOD be upon you all the days of your life. May GOD bless you as you enter this relationship today, may the blessing be upon you may your lives truly reflect the blessings of his love everyday


Song
Oh Sprit Come
Though I may speak with greatest love and still not yet inspire
As I may give, my love profess…


We come now to a most sacred part of this ceremony, the exchange of vows these are words which you are saying in the presence of GOD in the company of these witnesses’ words which are to be kept for life.

Now please face one another and join your hands as we exchange your vows repeat after me.

Gary:
I take you Mary to be my wedded wife, prayerfully in the power of GOD’s Holy Spirit I come into my new relationship as your husband. I am confident that GOD has prepared us for each other. I therefore unreservedly give you my life and love with Christ’s relationship to the church as my perfect example I will endeavor to fulfill my responsibilities in our home. I love you and I pray that our lives together might bring honor to the GOD whom we love and serve.

Mary:
I take you Gary to be my wedded husband prayerfully and with the power of GOD’s Holy Spirit I come into my new relationship as your wife. I am confident that GOD has prepared us for each other. I therefore unreservedly give you my life and love. Recognizing that there are blessings, responsibilities, difficulties, and privileges in being the kind of wife which the Bible requires, I humbly dedicate myself to this task. May GOD enable me, to meet your needs, so that our lives may daily reflect the blessing of our Lord.

Gary what token do you bring to symbolize your love for Mary?

Gary;
“This ring”

Repeat after me: with this ring I thee wed, in the name of the father and the son and of the Holy Spirit.

Mary what token do you bring to symbolize your love for Gary?

Mary;
“This ring”

Repeat after me: with this ring I thee wed, in the name of the father and the son and of the Holy Spirit.

Gary and Mary, now that you have made this commitment before GOD and this public assembly I now under the authority of Jesus Christ given to me as a minister of the Gospel do pronounce you husband and wife what GOD has joined together let no one ever put asunder.

Let us now bow our heads toward a prayer of dedication.

Our father in heaven we assemble now in your presence through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior to dedicate Gary and Mary today they have made a commitment to each other a commitment of marriage and we pray now that you would enable them by your power to carry out and fulfill the vows that they have made we pray that they will continue to grow in you and continue to find in you the strength and the direction that they need for their lives together. We thank you for their family and friends that could be with them to share on this day we pray your blessing upon each one of them as well. But above all we come to you now on behalf of Gary and Mary we dedicate them to you, we dedicate this marriage to you, we pray that it will bring much blessing in the name of Lord Jesus. We ask in his name, Amen.

Abba Father

Now it gives me great joy to present to you Mr. and Mrs. Gary Landis

Recessional Song:
Pass it on
It only takes a spark…


Back To:

  1. My Self
  2. About my wife
  3. Indexing and Organizing My Writings and Posts

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Billy Brenan

This boy I remember well, he didn't like the fact that I played religious music in the Public School, I was too naive to understand his disgust in my choice of music and the result was that I would be shown the opposite of Love and I was exposed to pure hatred and I'll saw a sad human that doesn't have a God or eternal life.

I'm trying to share my love with others, exposing the corruption and speaking out against being forced into silence for the crimes of the abusers.

Someone comes along and tells me that their God, they require my silence, I know this to be wrong, I know that the word of truth must not be silenced, the Bible encourages abuse, emotional and physical.

I read the Bible and have lived it, my music was torn as a bully tried to destroy the sheet music by taking my music from me and throwing my music on the floor stepping and twisting on my music to destroy my love, and my ability. The torn cover of Put your hand in the hand... I remember that day very clearly, many years ago... Yet I am the bad person for playing that song in the public school. Because I learned the song for Church and I was asked if I could play for the school class. Jealousy, the boy that did this was jealous, he saw that I could do it, so I was intimidated. He was ready to strike me thank GOD someone helped stop that attack.

And yet on the day that he crashed the station wagon that made him the macho man at a young age racing on Muskrat road, he wrapped that car around a tree he just didn't understand riding on the edge out of control I cried, a tear for family and friends. And I know and I remember his older brother Joey, snowballs ice in an ear and sharing work as a volunteer in the local fire department, wounds had healed to a point. Sometimes people need to give back, and sometimes the take what isn't theirs to have. Of these things I know, both the good and the bad, in search of the good, sometimes we will be surprised, as I was, later in life through giving to the community I learned some people do grow up and some grow down. The stories that I can tell.

Unexpected surprises, sadness and joy...

John Kennerly

John has a sister named Annette Worman, John was a year or two older he was tall and thin, I remember that one day we were playing in the school yard John decided to block my path and I ran smack my eye into his belt buckle, what a shiner I recieved, as his action was deliberate, he seemed to be genuinely sorry for that accident, we never had problems after that, but I do remember this event and the snickers just before the collision, John had to step into my path in order for the collision to occur I was trying to run around them, was I chased or in a race that I can't remember, but I do remember the collision and the set up by others to create the situation.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

A captured moment in time

A captured moment in time.

This recording was captured to be used to set the record straight, of an injustice that occurred to me. Unfortunately, when I presented the recording to my doctor (Carl Benzio), he laughed and told me that I managed to acquire a nice souvenir. He then explained the only way I could use that recording was to have it presented into evidence in a court hearing. He said that it would need to be verified and that he would not go against the diagnosis made by his colleague. I was told that in order for a judge to consider that evidence I would need corroborating testimony and he would only be willing to come to court as an expert witness. His testimony would cost me $200.00 per hour and he would have to be paid while waiting for the court to convene. He might be required to spend a whole day at the court house and eight hours could be realistic as well as the possibility that it could take several days.

What was captured on audio tape was a conversation between my mother and I a moment that my wife was also included in. I had my first meeting with Dr. Carl Benzio and at that meeting he told me now that I was released from the hospital, that if I didn’t agree with taking the medications that were prescribed that I didn’t or couldn’t be forced to do something that I didn’t agree with. When I first met with this new doctor that was paid for by the East Swamp Mennonite Church, we talked for a little and he point blank looked at me and asked or questioned, “So you think the whole world is lying to get you in trouble?” I said, “Well yes.” So much had happened and so that night when I got home and told my wife what the doctor said about the medications that were prescribed, and that I wasn’t going to take any, because I didn’t need to be medicated and I didn’t like being on medications that would prevent me from doing my job. I didn’t like the reactions and how I felt being on medications, that I didn’t and do not need.

That night my mother came over and while barging around the house into my bedroom where I was trying to get away from my mother, just to lie down and rest while she was over to visit. I knew that she had something to do with the lies that would land me into the hospital and have me diagnosed with a condition that I didn’t have. My mother hated my father and always saw him in me, for that reason she felt that she needed to control my existence, and being a nurse, she felt that she had the answer. To her way of thinking everything could be fixed with medicines.

I was being honest as I’ve always tried to tell the truth even to my detriment, I would not hide my own faults or the faults of others. Being the victim of abuse, we often are taught to hide the truth, don’t tell, it’s our little secret. Keeping things in the dark; causes a lot of problems for our society.

This recording transcribed starts just after my mother trying to convince me to take the doctors medications that according to Dr. Benzio I didn’t have to take. She was telling me of her friends husband that at the age of 40 needed to be medicated and that all men at the age of 40 need to be medicated. She then had this idea, standing clenched fist by my bed and trembling. She suggested that she would hit herself and report it to the police that I struck her.

I called out to Mary my wife and asked her if she could hear what my mother was saying. I came down stairs and fiddled quickly with the radio that had this John G. Elliot tape in it. I recorded a tape, so that I wouldn’t wear out the original. Quickly I had to switch sides and hit the record button and as I did that in the dark, my mother walked in. I was saying something about telling everyone.

Gary: to everybody
Mother: That I’m lying but who’s going to know but you?
Gary: I don’t know.
Mother: There not going to believe that. Are they?
Gary: I don’t think they would.
Gary: You would punch your lights out just to commit me?
Mother: To get you under control, to get you feeling better to get you back to your old self. Yes.
Gary: You would do anything it takes; you would lie to put me in jail.
Mother: Not jail
Gary: to make me take medications?
Mother: Yes.
Gary: You would lie to make me take medications?
Mother: Yes.
You would hit yourself?
Mother: Yes.
Gary You would hit yourself and punch your lights out?
Mother: Yeah,
Gary: Mary, Do you hear what my mother is saying?
Gary: Mary
Mother: Why did you call the mortgage company and tell them to get rid of the mortgage?
Gary: Mary?
Mother: Huh?
Gary: Mary, Mary Please come here and tell me that you heard this too. Please.
Mother: I could do it in front of the ministers.
Gary: Yes, you could.
Mother: yeah
Gary: Why don’t you do that?
Mother: yeah
Gary: You tell the ministers
Mother: Yeah
Gary: that you hit yourself and it was my fault and you would lie about that in court.
Mary: Has a quiet conversation her and my mother head out of the living room.
Mother: All as it would be, all as you would have to do is take your lithium for a week Mary: and get control.
Mother: And get control

The phone rings.

Mother: and your life would be back to normal instead of this high gear hateful pace that you’re in.

Mary is talking on the phone in the back ground.

Gary: I will not take any medication, I am not sick.
Mother: No
Gary: I will not lie,
Mother: yeah
Gary: I will not lie
Mother: yeah
Gary: to you and I will not lie to myself.
Mother: Well you’ve been lying to me pretty much tonight.
Gary: Have I?
Mother: In your way. Yeah.
Gary: In my own way I’ve been a liar.
Mother: It’s its what you’re saying. What I did was totally wrong than what really happened.
Gary: No it isn’t
Mother, Yes it is.

Gary: Is there anything else that you would like to lie to me about?
Mother: No, I’d just like to see you get better, I want to see my Gary come back to being, Gary
Gary: And you’d do anything, to that point including lie.
Mother: If I would have to, yes.
Gary: You’ve done that already though.

Mary: Okay, Uhm, hold on one second,

Mary hands the phone to my mother, and I start talking to Mary as my Mother heads out of the living room and into the parlor.

Gary: I need a protection from abuse order. I’ve been abused, and abused, and abused, I can’t believe I can’t believe that I’ve been abused by my mother like this. You’ve heard it and you saw it. Forgive me for being abused. The victim!

Mary: Everybody’s abused or the victim of something Gary
Gary: But this time it went
Mary: I don’t want to hear it.
Gary: so far.
Mary: I don’t want to hear it. I am the mother of an almost 11 year old victim across the street.
Gary: Uh-huh.
Mary: And yeah, I agree with her with that part, you are putting her through hell. Whether you believe it or not,
Gary: What -
Mary: you are tearing that child apart.
Gary: I would do to prove a lie


Mary: She’s speaking to Dr. Benzio
Gary: Umhmm…

Gary put on the phone with Dr. Benzio

Gary: She came over and attacked me while I was sleeping, I uhh, have it recorded that she was lying and that she’d do anything to lie to me and she would uhahh she would even go as far hitting herself and report that to the police. I have it recorded, I have it recorded thank you very much for listening.

While talking to Dr. Benzio, he told me that she shouldn’t do things like that and he asked if I had any proof that she said what I claimed that she said or did.

Gary: Here he wants to talk to Mary
Mary: I can’t do that.
Mary: Talk to my mother in law right now
Mother: I want to talk to him just for a second please

Gary: She has to credit her, I…

John G Elliot: For here I stand… Here I stand…

Friday, August 11, 2006

What Happened with my Daughter?

About my Daughter and the Reason my wife and I would end our marriage, or at least we would become seperated for a long time.

It was the middle of August after our July vacation in Disney World 2005. We managed a nice vacation and afterwords my daughter was expressing that she thought she was depressed. On occasion my wife would go off the deep end on our children it was the reason that I left the house in the first place. On August 13th my wife made an appointment for my daughter to see Merta at the Philmont guidence services. The appointment went pretty well, my wife didn't like the way I filled out the form, but I had my reasons to fill the form out as I did. I explicity told Merta that I didn't want any chemical intervention, both verbally and I put that request in writing. It was the next session one week later on August 20th,when I was to take our daughter to a counselors appointment, instead I was finishing up the creation of a 5 page list of people to file a court case against and to send that information to the Federal District Court in Philadelphia. I was distracted and lost track of time. I called the counselor Merta at the Philmont guidence counseling services. I spoke to her and she seemed to understand what I was attempting to do. Merta was told that I was trying to resolve the problems that have occurred by a Court System that seems to be different and not functioning as the one that I learned about in our Civics classes. Merta rescheduled us for the next appointment.

It was September 4th and my wife would have another one of her episodes, she spent the better part of the day being upset at my daughter. My wife left the house on two occassions telling us that she was going to get an apartment on her own. Three days later my wife and daughter made up, they were talking again. My wife sent me a text message to confirm this information.

But then my wife and daughter decided to pull the trigger on our relationship using the Philmont Guidence Center as the tool or impliment to achieve their agenda. My daughter had told me how she hated me for leaving the house when my wife was attacking me on a day that I wanted to be special. My daughters 12th birthday turned out to be a terrible day from the start. I thought that I was the cause of the stress, so I left, figuring that if I was the problem maybe I could solve the problem by leaving. I didn't understand the depth of the abuse and crisis that would feed my wife, her attempts at suicide and the anger that she expressed as negative energy. She was emotionally abusive to us her family. On the outside she looked like a believable person but on the inside she was broken, broken by the abuse her father administered. We first got to know the people at the Philmont Guidence Center shortly after we tried to reconcile our marriage on August 8th, 2005. She decided that our son needed counseling. The therapist worked with our son and us and we are doing quite well, or at least we were on the road to recovery. Our son was very glad that the family was getting back together. I think this settled his mind and helped him overcome the problems that his mother was concerned about. The counselor seemed to agree that our son was doing ok. But then my wife decided that our daughter needed counseling I told the new counselor Merta that I would go along with therapy sessions for my daughter but I didn't want any chemical interventions. I put that in writing in the form that I completed for my daughters coverage by the insurance I provide through my employer.

The children are in trouble there is no doubt, I am living with a time bomb. I tried my best to figure out how to smooth the waters in this house, I've been doing it for years.

I had no idea how much time I robbed from myself to help this woman. I provided for us and we had children and I didn't really understand the psychological framework that was eating away inside of the woman that I married.

I knew that her father was a terrible abuser of her mother and her. She lost her mother to breast cancer when she (my wife) was only ten years old. She witnessed her father punch her mother in the breast, golly? What might have caused the cancer? Abuse and Depression, and the disease was left untreated, probably known to be a death wish, her brother (my wife’s uncle) had committed suicide. This woman would not get help for the breast cancer even though she was a nurse.

My wife’s father was a terrible abuser, I once had to come home early from work to break up a fight the two of them were having. She seems to thrive on conflict; everything is always stressed out to the maximum, or was until she pulled this really stupid stunt, orchestrated by my daughter’s counselors. My daughter isn't innocent in the activities that are taking place, she is manipulative and after her mother spent all day 9-4-05 yelling at her and complaining about everything the child had ever done wrong in her whole life and threatening to go find an apartment to move into. (My wife was threatening to leave.) She even went for a long drive on a couple of occasions, in between she spent the time complaining and yelling at my daughter.

On 9-7-05 I got a text message that she and my daughter were talking again.

On the 10th my wife and my daughter went to see the therapist. I wanted to go along but it was an early appointment and my son was still sleeping.

Then I got a surprise that on September 13th they had seen a Dr. who would prescribe medication for my daughter because my daughter was showing signs of being depressed. The instructions that I gave to the therapist was that I would approve of counseling, but in no way would I want my daughter put on any kind of medication. I even wrote those instructions down on a form that was taken by the counselor. Apparently instead of allowing me to know what was going on, they my daughter, wife, counselor and psychiatrist all decided it was best to make this appointment for the prescription to be acquired behind my back and not tell me what the appointment was really for. I had asked about the odd timing and frequent visit to the counselor where I was told that they were going to see the therapist. And I was guaranteed that she was not going to see a doctor for any sort of prescription.

The deception ate away at my wife’s conscience and she told my daughter the next day to tell me about what they had done and what was going on.

We had been through a lot of tough times with lying in my family. I was falsely accused of saying something that I never said and prosecuted in court by a lying detective for a crime I never committed and this is all a result of that incident. In my opinion the real trigger for me to understand the problems that my wife suffers from. I had observed and tried to deal with those Bull in the China Shop moments that she gets, I just didn’t realize how messed up her own head was. As I look back on our life together I know now that I was picking up on all of these signals and never realized how trapped I was. Now I know how easily it is for my wife to be convinced to follow bad advice, and I can’t get her to listen to my words of wisdom and guidance. She and the doctors have blocked me from being heard they won’t listen to or look at the information that I want to share with them.

My wife is the abuser; my daughter is the manipulator. The doctors have caused harm to our family structure and are trying to make things better for my daughter by processing her into the system and medicating her when she is only crying out for attention. She needs attention and instead of listening, and talking with her to find out what the real problems in her life are they just medicated her and have taken any authority that I would have to talk or discuss this issue with my wife, daughter or the doctors away from me.

The counselor Merta had suggested Saturday September 16th that this might separate us parents and cause us to get divorced, and I very well think it has. When I met with the Psychiatrist on September 21st he would not listen to me, and cut me short in my trying to talk to him. He was playing a head game with me, and it frustrated me, as I think it would frustrate anyone to be cut short in the middle of a thought. He then said to me that I appeared to be emotionally unstable. I walked out of his office knowing that the man didn’t care about bringing the family back together and that the harm he was causing really upset me. I walked out of his office and called him what he is, a Quack… He is not a doctor of psychiatry, he is a fake, and he is a salesman of medicinal cures, a snake oil salesman, and a front for the Pharmaceutical companies, a people processor and not a real worker of the art of healing.


What happened on September 14th? In the days leading up to this event there were some counseling sessions that I wanted to attend but wasn't permitted due to conflicts I figured we would get caught up in the future. I was told that our Daughter was getting a special session with the counselor on Wednesday September 13th. I asked about this meeting because I was suspicious, and concerned. I was told that it was just a therapy session with the counselor Merta. The next day my wife sent my daughter up to the bedroom to tell me what they really did. They had seen a Psychiatrist Muhamad Shamsi arranged by the couselor Merta, and the Psychiatrist prescribed Prozac for my 14 year old daughter.

The fabric of the marriage was broken at that moment. Another lie, and it was totally against my personal beliefs and wishes. I never had a chance to disclose the atrocities described above to the counselor and especially the Psychiatrist. I certainly think that any family living through an experience that results in all of the miscarriages of justice as in my case, would suffer changes along the way. Many of the changes were negative, the anger of my wife, the loss of extracurricular activities that the children were participating in. The loss of a Church family. Social graces were damaged for everyone. These changes would and do cause depression.

Add to the mix, while I was out of the house for a year and a half, my wife made an online accquaintance that she became very interested in. She had the children talk to the man over the phone, while the two of them my wife and this man never met in person they did develope an emotional bond. My daughter told me what a great father this man would be, because he already raised a daughter, my wife was interested in meeting the man's daughter because she is studying veterinary medicine, the man is a business man that is also divorced. My daughter later told me how she hated me for leaving her mother. I asked her about the power that she had (my daughter) to control and destroy the relationship between me and her mother. My daughter smiled wryly as to take pleasure in such ability.

And on October 20th my wife told me that she loved me but she couldn't stand me. She already has a three bedroom house arranged to move into provided by her employer. As the pieces come together a picture of a knave. The deception and use of our daughter to explain what my wife should be talking to me about only made matters worse. The actions of the Psychiatrist and Psychologist employed by the Philmont Counceling Group demeans the work of the entire Psychiatric Community. The work of Good people are made bad by these bad experiences that I have suffered.

How could an average man untangle all of the lies that I have exposed here with out the use of a good computer? I can see why some artists were called crazy or mad, when they tried to explain the experiences of their lives and no one would take the time to listen and hear what the real problem was. After all of this I hope that many questions are answered.

A review of events written;

11/17/2005 9:35 PM

Valerie’s counseling

8-13-05 First Session

8-20-05 The 1:00 PM session that I missed, I called and apologized explaining to Merta that I was distracted and couldn’t get Val to the meeting on time, so we scheduled the next appointment for the following week at 3:00 PM.

8-27-05 The following meeting to make up for the missed meeting. We have lunch at the Italian restaurant at the front lower level of the building.

9-3-05 The court document that I was working on is denied, and I receive notice through the mail.

9-4-05 Mary flips out at Valerie, the whole day from 10:00 AM until evening. Mary even leaves the house on two occasions blaming Valerie, and threatening that Mary will find her own place to live.

9-9-05 Mary had a 9:00 AM appointment for Valerie, Mary knew that Jon would sleep in after playing on the computer until late at night the night before. Mary knew that I wanted to go to this session, but Mary acted as if she didn’t want me to go along. I stayed at the house with Jon, highly disappointed that I didn’t get to go along with Mary and Valerie to this appointment. I suspected that Mary was going to put Val on some kind of medication.

9-13-05 Mary has an appointment for Valerie to see Merta, or so I am told.

9-14-05 Mary feels guilty about what she and Val had done the day before. Mary has Val come see me and tell me about what they did, they had Val seen by a psychiatrist and evaluated to see if Val would be a good candidate for chemical intervention. The doctor prescribes Prozac for Val. Val had the burden of telling me what they had done. The lie cut deeper than anything else I had ever heard before. The lie from my wife, because; when we got back together, she told me how much she had changed. The reality is that Mary has not changed; she is still as abusive, jealous, controlling and accusatory as in the beginning when we started our relationship. I didn’t understand the manipulative powers of an obsessive, oppressive and possessive person. Living with Mary will cause chaos and depression.

I immediately slept downstairs because Mary showed no remorse or apology for what they had done. Mary would not allow me to participate in Val’s therapy. This chemical treatment of our daughter is not the right way to treat her, for a problem that we needed to sit down and discuss. We needed to clear the air, nobody is working at dialoguing the problem, they are trying to fix my daughter for a problem that a pill can not fix!

My wife began procedures to move out of our house, by Oct. 18th 2005.

On Nov. 9th she was ready to move Valerie out of the Quakertown school district, and down to the Central Bucks School District. I had an emergency hearing called to establish custody for the children. The children have to remain in the Quakertown School District until the Court Hearing on Dec. 12, 2005.

Almost everything of 25 years of a life together are removed from this house, Mary has horded all of the memories. She is leaving me the house or so she says.

She is trying to take custody of the children causing a major disruption to their lives and relationships with friends.

Jon is not taking all of this so well. His behavior is really getting bad.


Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

Sincerely,

Gary

A Vision of a Kiss to die for

A Vision of a Kiss to Die for From Animals to, Politics and Peace


A Kiss to Die For

It was about a year and a half ago that I had to leave the house I called home. I left behind a wife and two children all whom I loved very much. It was my daughters 12th Birthday March, 16 2003. I felt very alone and hurt, my wife had nothing nice to say to me, just more accusations, certainly; not what I wanted to hear on such a special day. In the previous year and two months I had to deal with issues that no man or woman should ever have to deal with. I was the victim several times over. I was accused of things that I didn’t do or say, and I knew the truth. The problem was that the accusations silenced my voice; I was not given a chance to provide a legitimate defense. No professionals were listening to the words that I was speaking, my problems were insignificant. The people that did listen generally had no authority to change what was happening to me. Those that would see the truth to hear and understand had no way of helping me. The truth would set me free; there is no chemical compound that would replace my real need to have the truth told and heard, and to be believed.

In dealing with all of my issues, the problems that I faced, I chose to further my education by studying Criminal Justice. I was learning that all of the things that had happened to me were not supposed to happen. One of my instructors would say, “It is not a perfect world that we live in,” although in some respects; I agree that this is not a perfect world, it would go against my real convictions that the world is perfectly created. This creation has a beginning and an end, but for now we are here. For such a time as this, we are here to see the doors opened to true love, the love shared by others and ourselves. This is the evidence, the footprint of the creator that our spirit is connected to the greatest spirit of all.

I was trying to rebuild my life; I had become upset with my employer. The company that I was working for I felt was responsible for some of the troubles that I was having. I was left holding the bag for something that I didn’t do, and my employer and my wife had talked about information perpetuated by the local police chief. I believe that single conversation would change our lives forever, my wife would have ammunition to attack me and my employer would learn that the detective was a liar in another court case. The problems of my life were starting to get all tangled up in the lie of a detective and I had no idea what would happen next, as I turned to my comfort, the guide for my life a book of religious convictions, a book called the Bible. I would start to see that even the Bible was misconstrued about the message provided. Through all that I went through I would know that a great spirit such as that of God the message should not ever contradict what was written before. I began to see that the thumb print of man was eschewed all through the holy text. I knew that lying was wrong, and I was right to stand boldly in the face of the false accusations, the words that were levied against me, the words people spoke or falsely reported me saying. On February 13, 2004 I was given a warning for being late getting into work, I wanted to sit down with my employer and they were never available to discuss what was on my mind. I felt isolated and alone, there was much recourse but none to be gained on my own. The man that gave me my warning had a story of his own; he shared of his experience being hit by a vehicle that drove off. He was left thrown off to the side of the street injured and the driver never stopped. An injustice this man told me the coward never stopped to see if he was alright and what of the little girl his daughter whose hand he was holding when he got hit? She had to call for the police and an ambulance. What of the trauma to that little girl? But he had to let go of the pain and suffering caused by another, I tried to explain that I had let go of that pain. For I had been struck down by an injustice, my concern was to never see anything like this ever happen to another ever again. Then I shared with him my story of being a witness to an accident and being falsely accused of saying something that I never said. I explained that in these two accidents he was the lucky one because he never knew the person that had struck him down. I know who attacked me and I know who lied, I could look straight into their eyes. The stories were not the same and in no way should they be compared. My friend would then advise me to get on with my life; he said sometimes it doesn’t work to be the night in shining armor. You need to move on and focus on your job, get into work on time and leave your troubles behind.

On February 19, 2004 I would be set up with a lady a student from school. It was her birthday and we talked with our friend who brought us together for a little. I was not going to let this person get to close to me, but I saw that she was hurt and in need, I listened to her story and I became involved. I thought I could change her world; instead she tried to change me. What she never knew was that I too was street wise. I had seen the work of evil in the people that I spent my time with in my youth. I ran with a crowd that would cheat and steal morality did not exist in the lives of the people that were left behind, the ones that didn’t move on with higher education. I was caught in a world where I didn’t belong, by association I was implicated. I had no foundation to stand on my father was the greatest source of moral strength that I knew, my mother ignored me. My mother threw my father out of our house when I was around the age of ten, and ten years later I would see how that would affect me. The people that were left behind, most were poorer middle class but some were upper class. The ones with the money would provide for the impoverished. And when you had money you became the upper class with many friends, and when you had none you were the scum of the earth. These are not friends at all, they are leaches, money sucking leaches taking and never giving. My lady friend had no idea that I had such experiences; she alarmed me into action to help her. I fell for this tactic not once but several times. Then I began to realize that if we were going to work, one of us needed to make real solid decisions and not waste the money that I had saved on things that were fleeting. I was able to assist financially but that could never be the foundation for a relationship. Then while holding the reigns to our future financially I would make decisions to help us both grow. I explained that in order to move forward we would have a time that would be very lean. By mid March we would seek new housing arrangements and by April I would have put out the funds to establish a new larger residence. During this time period she would have to take care of her finances and be certain not to fall behind ending up in jail. My words fell on deaf ears, I knew that putting out the first and last months rent plus the security I would not and could not afford to bail anyone out of jail. Unfortunately; an incident occurred and wouldn’t you know it my friend ends up in jail.

Shortly before her going to jail I noticed that the high mileage vehicle that I recently purchased had a problem with the engine, the oil pressure was fluctuating. The added miles on the vehicle for the numerous trips to bail my friend out of jail could not be wasted. We had discussed that I couldn’t allow the vehicle to run those long runs, or if we did I had to be there, surely one of those times the engine would stop functioning. If something terrible like engine failure was about to occur I wanted to be there maybe something in my experience as being a mechanic would allow me to pick up on a problem that I might be able to keep the repairs to a minimum, maybe I could catch the problem before it became to major, maybe I would hear something or see a major change in the oil gauge to let me know that I needed to stop and maybe I would be able to save myself or others the heartache of totally losing the engine and feeling that they were responsible. My friend and I had discussed what things needed to be moved immediately and I started the process. Although, I was confused how things could get so messed up, I knew we had enough bedrooms that even though I didn’t want a personal relationship I couldn’t and wouldn’t put my friend out on the street. I needed help with house maintenance and she needed a place for her stuff and her pets. We could blend together and help each other, she tried to reach out to the pain she created and she tried to justify what all had just happened.

By mid April I would try to work things out with my friend. I gave in, to the human calling and desires of the siren and then I would see it again, the fleeting lie, how she took advantage of me at every turn, her lies twisted and spun, like a knot in a fishing line. As the ocean churns from the surge of a storm, the knot would have no definition, her lies went this way and that, only those close to the situation would really know and understand. I no longer wanted to reach out and hold her hand. The evidence was clear she really didn’t care.

During mid April another event would occur, my wife would rise up strengthened in some way by the beginning of May I would seek the need for assistance in a case of divorce. Having been through the gamete of lawyers; the only recourse I had was a man that taught a business law course. He agreed to assist me as divorce was and is his specialty. About the divorce, one of my accusers my wife would change her mind and do what she told me she would never do. She filed suit against me for divorce, she decided or she was convinced she could change history. It was receiving the papers for divorce that would push me back into the arms of the one that wanted me to save her, my friend’s sister told me that I was her saviour. Later I would find that I needed to save myself from a person that was more of a criminal than the criminals that we were studying. And the divorce from my wife rambled along, like a freight train gaining momentum going down a slight grade. The divorce was pulling us down from the mountain top that we had climbed.

Although I would find that later this friend of mine would be the worst person to associate with me. I thought one more time; I would try to make things work out with this friend of mine, the woman that I was living with. She would find me where I was licking my wounds I knew that I needed her comfort, I needed her life to be in alignment with mine. She was there briefly we talked we left together, she wanted to comfort me but I was hurt and tired, I wasn’t putting forth the effort required, to make the evening work. She was getting ready to leave to go back out and I realized that I needed to try just one more time. If not for me but to make her see, that what is dormant deep inside of me is very real, I went outside and I looked deep into her eyes, a kiss is what we would share, passionate deep and caring, a kiss that is very rare, a kiss so special it would make your head spin. There was magic in that kiss, and I knew that I possessed the key to make that a magic kiss. The key would be to retain the magic of that moment for an eternity, it would take a person that is special not worldly, a unique person with the ability to know me and deeply care about me, to make that magic work. Although the kiss was magic between my friend and me, it wasn’t a lasting magic, special and sweet I would soon learn that it wasn’t the love that I searched for, for she would be involved in even more criminal activities.

The divorce was a catalyst for my actions to make things right with my friend. I wanted to be so involved in the life of my children that I would do about anything and the divorce that was pending made me scared, and gave me reason to think that; in a house with a live in roommate, I might not be in the position to demand the custody of my children. My thinking was if I provided a two parent home for my children I might be able to gain custody, so I had to make things work out with this friend of mine, a friend that apparently wanted to make things work out with me. I never wanted to be forced into divorce and certainly didn’t want to fight for custody of my children while going to school and this certainly was not a good way to start a relationship, the real key that was missing was my love. I wasn’t acting out of love by acting in regard to circumstances that surrounded my life.


Things would happen between my friend and me, in the beginning of June I would report her to the police for dodging me sitting in a bar that she drove to on a suspended license. I didn’t mind that she did what she wanted I was not controlling her in that way; it was that she was there while not taking care of the payment that she promised me that night. She said that she wanted to share the economic burden of the large bill that was due and that she could do this from the recent fraud that she committed. Facing the fact that she had the funds to assist in a time of financial difficulty, I didn’t really care what fraud she committed until I learned exactly how this was a fraudulent act as I sat in class. It was odd that the information would be presented to me as it was occurring around me all at the same time. A tactic of the unlawful is to avoid responsibility for their actions they promise one thing and never follow through. My friend could have paid me at school earlier that evening or she could have come to our house and paid me before I went to bed, but instead she decided to avoid seeing me and that would give her more time before having to pay me, a week maybe two, or maybe I would never get paid, it was up to her and how she would feel, like training a pet to jump on command or stay and wait, she played me for a fool.

Then in the middle of June she would file a court document against me a temporary PFA (Protection from Abuse) was granted. This charge would give her the opportunity to cause great emotional harm while deciding if she wanted to leave or force me to formally evict her. The PFA was sought when she saw that I had gone to the court house and received the paper work to start a formal eviction. The PFA would stop the eviction process and leave me helpless to her attacks and accusations. I was served with the PFA on a Thursday night and by Saturday she had filed her first complaint that I had violated the PFA order. Her complaint was that she was able to sneak up behind me and hear my conversation with a friend (Mary). The one that filed the PFA was mad that I was talking about what was going on in my life. I was talking with (Mary) about a report that was left in plain sight for me to read, a report detailing abuse by the woman that filed the PFA, suddenly; I understood just how dangerous this woman was when I read that report and I was thankful that I never let her near my children.

The beginning of July and I was free of the woman that would nearly ruin my life, she was denied a permanent PFA she spoke of violating the law and it was apparent that even though she had been through this experience before she didn’t document the event. A person that has seen the signs of abuse should know to document, document document.

The process of divorce took us through a temporary custody hearing and then it was time to determine the amount of support that would be required. My wife would tell me that she was not after my money and that I didn’t know her, I knew, it was a sin to say one thing and do anther. I was involved in hearings and court cases all through the month of July. I was pulled and pushed told one thing, and then another was happening. My lawyer was even questioned I asked, “Are you working for my wife or for me?” It was a tough time for me, I wasn’t sure if anyone was on my side. The only thing that I could cling to was that I knew the real truth. For the ‘truth’ is with me, in my spirit, and in my words. I am not perfect, but I am innocent of the false accusations levied against me.

On Tuesday and Thursday I would have a break in the school schedule where I would not have to be at school for the first session, the teacher would not be able to make the class, I guess a substitute was not possible, so I would use the time to do things for my self, eating and preparing for the next class to my surprise on Thursday my landlord would stop by. He had some painting supplies with him and he wanted to fix up the house a bit, he said that he was doing it for insurance reasons, and asked if I was interested in buying the property. I asked how much he was selling the property for, there was a pause, I asked again and finally he stated that he was thinking of asking $170,000.00. I knew that I would never pay that much for the property the house was in need of a lot of repair, and although; the location might be right for asking that much I felt the dwelling needed to be razed and I couldn’t afford the mortgage that would be required for that particular property. I was respectful to my landlord and concerned as he started removing porch posts. He started to modify the structure with out having anything to replace what he was removing. I didn’t want the property to become hazardous to live in for me or my children. I expressed my concerns about his workmanship and told him that I couldn’t afford that kind of a price tag for the property

By the end of the month my vehicle needed to be inspected, we were going through evaluation meetings about custody for the children. I was struggling with the visitations, putting forth all of my energies to make my house acceptable for the children to do things with them to show them that I can do so much to help them and I was working and still trying to work out my problems at school. By July 23rd I was able to buy bicycles for me and my son, he wasn’t impressed, I grabbed one of the old ten speeds for my daughter who was going away the following week. She was attending an event at the shore with the church that caused such harm to me and my family. I gave my children a cell phone hoping to keep them in touch with me. I knew that communication would be the key. My son sabotaged me, he wouldn’t go for a bike ride I wanted to take him and his sister over to the river and ride along the paved canal path, a bike trail, something new to do, a change of scenery. We had spent some time together up on Hawk Mountain; and I thought it would be nice to compare the river of rocks at Hawk Mountain to the large bounty of rocks in the park called Ringing Rocks near where we live. They didn’t want to go biking but they enjoyed banging on rocks with hammers making the rocks and boulders ring at Ringing Rocks. We later walked the path leading to a water fall we came back to our vehicle by crossing the little creek many times at one point my son decided he would try going swimming as he was clowning around and slipped into a pool of water. We all laughed and as usual we did have a good time.

On Monday July 26th I came home from work to find a for sale sign on the property that I was renting, what I thought was just a supposed conversation with my landlord was now a reality I had to check into my options I didn’t want to move again. I liked the location of the property; maybe if I could make an offer for the property I could get a mortgage and take care of my needs. I contacted the realtor and talked to a mortgage lender. My hope was in Mr. Hope. You know that things are not going your way when you do not hear from those that you are in contact with, I had no follow up, I know that as we talked my going through the divorce would be a major issue for me to acquire such a property.

My life was in knots, I made an appointment for my vehicle to be inspected on Friday the manager agreed to shuttle me to work and pick me up if I could meet him Wednesday morning July 28th. I made my meeting with my mechanic and of course the vehicle would fail the inspection, hundreds of dollars spent on fluid changes and tire work and I needed to work on the rear brakes, rear wheel cylinders, and all of the four shock absorbers needed to be replaced. Time would be the issue. I had visitation rights with my son on Wednesday evenings and it was a rainy night. I had a lot of things already stored in the garage, so there would be no working in the garage, I could set up a tarp and cover the work area in front of the garage, which I did as quickly and efficiently as I could but I wasn’t spending the time I wanted to spend with my son. I picked him up and before I knew it I had to return him. Then I returned to start the work on the vehicle, about four hours later I had everything completed but I had no time for sleep, an all-nighter and I had school to attend that night after work. I have to be careful something has to give. 36 hours I better get some sleep school is out, my wife and I are to have a meeting with the evaluator on Friday this session would be missed a delivery was scheduled for me and I would be pulled away from the meeting a penalty for missing that meeting would be levied against me.

Saturday I would attend school and afterwards I would try to get my vehicle re-inspected. The mechanic didn’t have the time to attend to my needs that day. My mechanic explained he could do the inspection on Monday the only problem was that he would not be able to shuttle me to and from work, he was scheduled to be off. I promised a coworker that I would attend his Christmas in July party later in the day. So I packed up my bicycle and went to the party then back to the garage to drop off my vehicle and to ride bicycle back to my house. While riding back I needed to pay close attention to how long it would take to ride my bicycle to work, as I would pass by on my way home. I was bound and determined to make it on my own, doing what ever it would take. A friend would drop me off to pick up my vehicle and I wouldn’t have to make the long bicycle ride two towns away to retrieve my vehicle. Finally inspected and paid for I went back to work to retrieve my bicycle and to try to figure out what to do next. I had many projects left to be done. The week prior I put together a cabinet to hold my hunting rifles and gear to be locked away as a responsible person should. I need to finish that project; I needed to keep the house clean as the realtors are showing the property. I need to prepare to be ready to move out if necessary.

Later on Monday August 2nd I would learn how much my penalty for missing that meeting was. I will guarantee that my doing the delivery didn’t pay for me; it was certainly loyalty to the company that affected my choice. Finally I had a fairly smooth week with the exception of not hearing from my daughter they wouldn’t allow her to take the cell phone and her brother had used the phone to accuse me of doing something in a way that was different to what was really going on. He was too young to understand certain motives that were used in dealing with things that happened between his mother and my self. That conversation would lead to more problems at the end of the week when I was supposed to have visitation with the children.

Finally Friday August 5th time for our meeting that I had to cancel. I was really nervous about this meeting regarding custody of the children. I know that I am not showing a stable home environment if I discuss the fact that my house is up for sale. I have to pay the penalty and the evaluator starts by telling us things about our children that concern her. She wants the children evaluated by a specialist. Personally I know that it is the stress between the mother and my self that is causing the problems. But the evaluator says that she want the child evaluated and treated for the same type of thing that I was diagnosed with a condition that was based on information falsely reported about me. The evaluator speaks of the conversation with my daughter she had several weeks prior. Just after my first weekend and overnight visitation that I had with the children. My daughter was cautioned to be wary of Dad, she told the evaluator that she really didn’t feel safe being alone with me. I heard the evaluator loud and clear, I could be set up for more accusations of improprieties something that I would have to be very careful about. That night after the meeting I went to pick up the children for the weekend visitation. I was feeling very upset because it certainly looked like there was no way that I was going to get the recommendation for child custody. My daughter was willing to come along with me, and my son was not. I figured that it was because of the phone conversation that I had with my son earlier in the week, I needed to talk to him about that and not in front of his mother. I waited an hour and a half to try to get my son to come along with me; his mother was coddling the child like he was an infant. I figured this was not helping and maybe the problem was separation anxiety. I was remembering how in the meeting my wife and the evaluator were insisting that my son had a problem. What I was seeing was a child trying to cope with the stress of the separation of his two parents. Being the product of divorced parents I know how real that pain is and I can’t imagine that I would have been able to cope any better if my father wanted to have custody of me. In a way all parents do that, they each want control the situation it is only natural. I wanted my dad to have custody of me but he wouldn’t do that. His life was upside down I know what he was going through; I was now going through it myself. Starting over is what it is called; when you have to remove yourself, from a volatile situation, leaving your house, your home.

Since; I wouldn’t have my normal visitation with my children I hoped that I could catch up with the children the next day. I went to school as usual and afterwards stopped in at the wife’s house, I packed up as much stuff as I could. I cleaned up in the garage, making room for her car to be parked inside. I packed up some vinyl siding that was cluttering up a bench that I had made. I fixed some door knobs on the house. The family never returned home, I left and went back to my place. So desperately I wanted to talk to the children. I unpacked the things that I had moved, not much of my stuff now remained there on that property, some stuff but not much.

Then came Sunday August 8th a new day, I was up early that morning I was having difficulties with my electric razor. I figured it was time to try to fix it. I couldn’t fix the razor in fact as I had the thing apart I realized that it had broken leads to the motor. I tried to make the leads connect properly but I shorted the unit out. I saw that little puff of smoke and knowing that fateful smell of burnt electrical components I knew, this had become a replacement project. If I was to shave I would have to head to the store and buy a new razor. And if I headed to the store to buy a new razor I would also head to my wife’s house to talk to her. And since my son didn’t want to ride his bike with me but he would ride it in his alley behind her house, I would take that with me. And there was an item of contention, a necklace that I had taken possession of. A small voice was speaking to me, I had the thought that my wife didn’t get mad at me on Friday night maybe there was a chance that I could talk to her. And maybe if I bring along a gift, give back to her the necklace then maybe she would talk with me and then maybe I could talk to my children. At the least what did I have to lose? Friday night I was so distraught, and Sunday I felt a ray of hope. I put everything required into the back of my vehicle and I almost forgot to take the necklace. I must thank the spirit from above for guiding my thoughts to do this right.

Arriving at the store shortly after the store opened, I made my purchase to replace that broken razor. I set the bag on the floor of my vehicle and I proceeded to see my wife and children. I arrived and they were still sleeping. Called on the phone so that I could talk with my wife, she came down and I told her how I wanted to speak to the children and how I spent the day on the day before cleaning up around the house. I reached out and held her hand as I talked to her; she put her hand in mine. I asked if we could spend the day together. I explained that I knew how to set us free and that would be found in the truth. I had her stand up and I gave her a hug and apologized for the way things were. I invited her out to my vehicle I explained that sometimes I cannot fix everything I showed her the new razor and told her that we would have to start a new. I showed her the bike that I was giving to my son and finally I gave to her the necklace. She accepted the necklace and we went back to the house. We held hands going from place to place. We put the children to bed and I was getting ready to take my leave, she was there with me, I turned to kiss her good night. That little voice appeared again, I heard the command to give her a real kiss, a passionate kiss, one that she would never forget, I turned back, the longing desire heightened emotions and I embraced her and kissed her with all of the passion of a star, she trembled and said that she was feeling dizzy. With that she fell to her knees, I tried to hold her up, she was out and falling her face lost all expression and I looked deeply into her eyes. Her eyes lost all life, focused straight ahead. I cried out, “Mary! Come Back…” She came right back and snapped out of her faint. I pulled her back up to her feet and asked her if she was ok. She said she felt ok but wanted to know what she was doing on the floor she didn’t remember anything from the time that she told me she was feeling dizzy to the time she could feel the dog licking her ankle feeling the pain in her toe nail from her toe being bent backwards. Later we talked and laughed about the incident. I told her that a song came to mind, “I died in your arms tonight.” We went back into the living room where she sat down on the couch. I went to bring her a glass of water from the kitchen. Kneeling down before her I reached up and kissed her again. We spent the night together, and every night since. I am praying for many more. We have a lot of issues and have spent a lot of time talking this past week. Mary has been in contact with the family Doctor and they are checking to see if she has a heart condition. The wonders of modern medicine, she was on a diet pill that was recalled ‘Ephedra’ was the main ingredient and now of course is associated with heart problems.

On Wednesday night my wife Mary had a doctor’s appointment to figure out why she passed out on Sunday night, I wanted to be there with her. I worked a little later than I wanted to and immediately after work I went to the florist to by a bouquet of flowers and in-particular I wanted two roses, one the Darkest most beautiful Red Color the Color of Love. I wanted to surprise her with the flowers at the doctor’s office, although; I had to pick up a few things at my rental unit. So I headed off to my rental; while the clock was ticking on my getting to the doctor’s office. Finally I had everything that I needed and I was on my way. How fast can I get from point A to point B? Keep my head on my shoulders this is not a time for a speeding ticket. One more turn and who is driving towards me? Yes! It is her, they were sending her home. I could tell by the look on her face that she was apparently ok. With my son in her car, I turned around and got into the line of traffic behind her. My son wanted a cable end for the antennae cable in his room; I thought if I could get her to see me, we could pick up that simple part. My wife saw my intentions and while I was behind her she followed my signals that took us to the local stores. She needed a few things also; so we combined the trip and talked about her doctor’s visit and how we never seemed to do things together before. And we spent so many hours talking, we talked ourselves to sleep, and we woke up and talked some more. So many issues and I knew, this was the right thing to do.

On Thursday I was supposed to get into work early and I was late, for that I received my second reprimand which includes a three day suspension. Needless to say I was in no condition to be tested that night, at school. I had a test in one of my classes. I always do poorly under extreme stress situations. I’ve had this teacher for two quarters now in three different classes and we know, I do not do well under extreme stress. I believe that this is natural, a natural condition in the human mind just as natural as getting angry when someone violates your rights, your code of ethics or your morality. We are all used to a particular conduct and to violate this can be distressing naturally upsetting. How do you act when someone violates you in ways to which you are not accustomed?

I also missed the Saturday class for another meeting with the evaluator. My wife was reluctant in admitting that I am back in her house and that we are working on reconciliation. It also became apparent to the evaluator that there are issues from both of us and our abusive childhoods that are interfering with our ability to raise normal and healthy happy children. So many issues are present. Since June, there is a new arrival in her life a man that she has met on the internet. Now I am the one in competition for her love. How do you win in a war that is about love? You love and you become the best lover the world has ever known. I wonder if you will see that in me.



An Animals Kiss

If one was to sit in the middle of a room in a chair and the door is open, who would enter in and pass you by? And what would you observe, GOD Bless the peace keepers...

An Open room with a table in the center and while sitting at the chair watching the things going on around me and balancing my check book...

Miss Emily (You met our Golden) decided she wanted to be friends with Miss Meeka (The newest addition a cat). While moving about the house and Miss Valerie (a young Blonde) became excitedly concerned that Miss Emily might hurt Miss Meeka, well the ensuing chaos was quite amusing. I watched from the point of let the Spirit reveal to you the secret of the moment. Mrs. Mary was working at the New computer Armoire which holds her new computer, and not seeing and knowing all that is happening. We were not thinking that Miss Emily is making peace in the house, and Miss Meeka is not interested in any of it. So' who does Miss Meeka run to, she perched upon a little bookcase behind me and I made a mistake, she got my attention by knocking down a few CD's that were laying up there. She perched upon the book case and I tried to clear the spot for her. I tried to welcome my friend and make her more comfortable and she moved far away. That is when the chaos was resumed. Miss Emily was getting quite the stark response from Mrs. Mary. And I sat there wondering what will happen next? Not really sure what to do, I knew we (Mrs. Mary and I) had just finished a conversation about playing with Mr. Louie. We talked about him and his talons that could be quite lethal. We talked earlier while I was playing with him, with my feet under the covers. I might not want to pull away Mrs. Mary told me to make sure that I stay with him if his instincts get the best of me.

Well with the Chaos between Miss Emily and Miss Meeka, I pointed out that maybe Miss Meeka is invoking some sort of instinct, in Miss Emily and we need to not, become harsh with Miss Emily for acting like a dog. At or soon after that moment the king of the family Mr. Louie came over and rubbed up against the leg of Miss Emily, this to the surprise of me and Mrs. Mary, our jaws both dropped. The dog a friend to the cats? Well it was our position all along but the rabbit and squirrel incidents the level of trust was diminished. This was like the animals just trying to make a point for us to witness. Mr. Louie promptly became the traitor, but I saw something different that we all laughed about. Mrs. Mary called Miss Valerie in to the room to tell about the traitor that Mr. Louie was while Miss Meeka was comforted by me. I held Miss Meeka in my lap who was quite disgruntled with the dog, 'Miss Emily.' While holding Miss Meeka, Miss Emily came close to me but at a distance with one hand securing Miss Meeka still quite aggravated Miss Emily reached out her tongue and licked my other hand... I took my now well scented hand and proceeded to pass the kiss onto Miss Meeka... Miss Emily then laid down and Mr. Louie and Mr. Fluffy both paraded around Miss Emily without fear from them. Somehow they know that Miss Emily isn't going to harm them, Miss Meeka has yet to fully comprehend this and if she continues to withdrawal from the clutches that she finds herself in she will certainly provoke instincts that are quite alert, and in tune to everything that is going on around themselves. The best thing to do when you find yourself in a situation where you are about to be attacked by a vicious animal say you see a bear or a cobra poised to attack? You never turn your back, but you back out very slowly and cautiously. It is called making a safe retreat. This could save your skin and the hides of many of your friends.

Interesting to see things in the perception of the world around you looking in from the outside and suddenly feeling that you are on the inside and looking out. And a much larger picture is suddenly emerging.

Of something that was discussed a while back, the Sun could it rise up from the west? Why not? Without supernatural intervention, the rotation of the Earth would have to be stopped. But of that happening, could it? Not likely. The consequence, of the rotation of the Earth wobbling and inverting it is truly possible. This event could happen and during such an event we could see changes in weather patterns and they certainly could at random be great or small, or both. All at once or none at all... But of the thing that would change is the respective polarity of the poles because of the new alignment as the centrifugal rotation is once again established for an unknown specified period of time.

In all what this comes to is that while this shift in and of itself is possible to happen it could also be a trigger for those hair trigger phenomenon to do their dirty work... Basically stating that with all of the environmental stress that people press upon the environment and nature being nature, it is knowable that there exists a high factor for a particular event to happen and in succession many things could happen; or all things could happen at once...

What I find interesting about politics and social structure is the idea of surrender, when you know all else has or will fail, the only thing you can do is to take a bow, and sacrifice ALL to the GOD that requires your repentance and obedience.

Last night I went to bed, after my wife who was clearly disgruntled by the fact that my time on the computer is quite demanding, on me and my relationship with her. As Eretz pointed out it is balance and you have to balance all things together really well, and then juggle them too. So many people juggle their finances, but the check book never balances. They rely on other to check the math. We all make mistakes; from time to time that is reality. But it is also, reality to have a person, tell you something, and you have to listen, and pay careful attention to detail. If you succeed at that, you will have knowledge, and from that you can discern; what could be, from what 'if,' to know what did...

I'm not a fan of killing and I have no doubt that many lives were lost in the holocaust; I also know that there has been much progress made to overcome the embarrassment that plagues the world of such atrocities. It is never right to make light of a person's plight, I would never tell a survivor of the holocaust to just get over it. The incident happened in the past, come on get with the living, and move on... It was a traumatic episode, it was wrong, it should have never happened. I hate the Nazi's for committing such an act of cruelty, I am American with a German heritage, that was the sins of people that I was long removed from as my German history in America goes way back and has nothing to do with the Nazi regime. So how is it that I would come to think like the Great Karl Marx? What would make me think that there is something more to the story than what is on the surface? And why do I have such a strong conviction to the Belief in a GOD of Creation?

As I was saying last night after going to bed, and bringing the dog into the house and allowing her sleep upstairs. She became restless, and so I put her back, (For you English critics I put the whole dog not just the back of the dog.) out on the back porch. It is cold out there, but she has a great comfortable spot to curl upon. Dogs do remarkably well in this cold weather, isn't that strange? Give them food and water and some Loving attention and they manage quite well. So finally I'm heading off to sleep and my wife wakes me up at three o'clock in the morning. She starts to ask questions, and I try to explain, she never read what I wrote, she loves me, but she doesn't read my writings, and yet she loves to read, she hates politics. While I am interested in politics and other sciences; I would try to get my daughter interested in my writing as well. Why is this stuff like pulling teeth? I guess, it didn't help when I read that four page document on the ‘Evolution of Religion’ to her taking more than a minute of her time. I read on for about what, twenty minutes or so? I read aloud to my daughter and I became so choked up on the words that I had written, it probably turned her off from politics forever! While at the same time, I think she knew. This paper it was something very special to me, her mother didn't catch on to that. I think it is a work unto itself. Like a biography or a thesis statement. What really would impress me is to see what my son thinks about it.

My Son worked with the other computer the other day doing research on Martin Luther King and he, out of the blue, told me that he could envision me being just like MLK
So at three o'clock in the morning I started to share with my wife, “the woman that was looking for a hero, of a man.” She wanted me to help her, and I told her that I would hold her up; I told her I needed a woman that I can put onto that pedestal and lift up and support, the woman that reaches down and pulls me up and helps me grow... I told her not to worry about the time that I spend on the computer, it is fleeting, it is necessary for me to do my work and the work that I do is to share the knowledge that will set straight the path for our country and make possible for a day of peace around the world.

I told her how the world evolved from the primitive Earth, the growing of the land from the center of the molten core, the smaller mass that was growing outward when the ocean covered the Earth and was then separated as the land like spikes started shooting upward to the surface growing out and up and as this happened large pieces of land fell into the ocean causing great waves to splash up on distant shores, I told how life evolved in many locations some developed and grew and never relocated while some of the land masses grew and broke off and as the center of the Earth grew outward and upward and as plates carried large portions of land away and divided one mass into several masses where the life forming and growing over time became different and evolved, great numbers were created and the land supported all of them.

I told my wife of the future, and of the current dangers, that we face. How our low lying communities are threatened. I told her of the threat to our great society, the financial ruin, that ‘we as a society’ we’re on the verge of being destroyed, because of our greed. How over so many centuries one group of people had controlled the wealth. While many had died for a lack of means to grow and barter for the goods that they made, or needed. I talked about the good and the bad, the corruption in our government, and how our democratic capitalistic society, has failed our fellow man. I explained that corruption is the key to the evil in our world, even in socialistic forms of government when the few control the health of so many, such a great responsibility they have.

I took about an hour of her time, talking and sharing my thoughts, she claims to have been listening. I wonder? Once I told her as much as I could, I then told her that I loved her... She knows this and she has known for a long time. She asked me, “if I made the right choice?” I assured her, “I know I did.” I told her that I had my doubts a couple of times and that is well documented. Probably those thoughts are put together better on her side of the story; but I to, had a side of the story, that was less known. And I knew that I wasn't wrong for being a man and alive. I was and am living on instinct, a survivor, first and a helper of others second.

In part of the conversation, we were talking about dogs and cats, and how the animals live on instincts, and how we should never interfere with the instincts of animals or people. But sadly enough it appears as if we have found a way to interfere with peoples instincts and thought processes. We have taken away an important tool, communication... Expressions of thought, we made certain thoughts taboo... We put curses upon people and ideas and we failed to see how we would curse the next generation by restricting their freedoms to think instinctively. We had a lot of laughter yesterday as I took my daughter to get checked out for an irritation that developed on her hands. See she was using chemical creams on her skin, you know how I love the chemical companies? Don't you? Well anyway after seeing the doctor we had a grocery list of things we needed to buy. So off to the pharmacy we go, my daughter asks the pharmacist to fill the doctors list, but because most of the items were over the counter cleansers, lotions, creams, and cotton gloves. We were directed to the isles to locate the items for ourselves. The pharmacist looked at me kind of odd, and I explained, “she had purchased fragrant crème or lotion chemicals, and now needed to purchase more chemicals to repair the damaged caused by the chemicals she first purchased.” With that I added, "I hate chemical companies." As much as it is my will to keep certain things out of my house and no matter how many times I try to explain it, I am always the bad guy because I am saying, “there are things that we need to abstain from.” Does this mean that ALL chemicals are bad? Certainly I have not said that, but what I have said, is that I like the way that GOD made things naturally. Maybe that sense of smell is also a tool, to tell us that we have gotten to close, to some one or something, it is like a proximity alarm. Maybe with the sense of smell, we are greeting, in the New Year, with the fragrance of spring, and with so much to do... With that knowledge, we spring to life, where the living is grand, and as we do for ourselves, we also do for others, working in a community living and accepted by society...

So this morning I walked my son to school. You know the type of school that is a public school where the school is part of the Community School district, the community where we pay our community taxes, from the pay check that has removed from it our Social Security Savings... Or our future retirement savings plan with matching funds from our employer, in the form of 401K's... And of course we can't ever forget that almighty Health Care Insurance for that great Social System of Medical Care... But in a Democracy we have our Freedoms to Choose... We can go to work or we can work around our homes... But we don't get paid for our homework, it is voluntary... There are ‘no beliefs’ in paying ‘benefits’ to those that help solve, the problems of our government in a system that doesn't believe in GOD...

The Future of Democracy

Of something that was discussed a while back, the Sun could it rise up from the west? Why not? Without supernatural intervention, the rotation of the Earth would have to be stopped. But of that happening, could it? Not likely. The consequence, of the rotation of the Earth wobbling and inverting it is truly possible. This event could happen and during such an event we could see changes in weather patterns and they certainly could at random be great or small, or both. All at once or none at all... But of the thing that would change is the respective polarity of the poles because of the new alignment as the centrifugal rotation is once again established for an unknown specified period of time.

In all what this comes to is that while this shift in and of itself is possible to happen it could also be a trigger for those hair trigger phenomenon to do their dirty work... Basically stating that with all of the environmental stress that people press upon the environment and nature being nature, it is knowable that there exists a high factor for a particular event to happen and in succession many things could happen; or all things could happen at once...

What I find interesting about politics and social structure is the idea of surrender, when you know all else has or will fail, the only thing you can do is to take a bow, and sacrifice ALL to the GOD that requires your repentance and obedience.

Last night I went to bed, after my wife who was clearly disgruntled by the fact that my time on the computer is quite demanding, on me and my relationship with her. As Eretz pointed out it is balance and you have to balance all things together really well, and then juggle them too. So many people juggle their finances, but the check book never balances. They rely on other to check the math. We all make mistakes; from time to time that is reality. But it is also, reality to have a person, tell you something, and you have to listen, and pay careful attention to detail. If you succeed at that, you will have knowledge, and from that you can discern; what could be, from what 'if,' to know what did...
I'm not a fan of killing and I have no doubt that many lives were lost in the holocaust; I also know that there has been much progress made to overcome the embarrassment that plagues the world of such atrocities. It is never right to make light of a person's plight, I would never tell a survivor of the holocaust to just get over it. The incident happened in the past, come on get with the living, and move on... It was a traumatic episode, it was wrong, it should have never happened. I hate the Nazi's for committing such an act of cruelty, I am American with a German heritage, that was the sins of people that I was long removed from as my German history in America goes way back and has nothing to do with the Nazi regime. So how is it that I would come to think like the Great Karl Marx? What would make me think that there is something more to the story than what is on the surface? And why do I have such a strong conviction to the Belief in a GOD of Creation?

As I was saying last night after going to bed, and bringing the dog into the house and allowing her sleep upstairs. She became restless, and so I put her back, (For you English critics I put the whole dog not just the back of the dog.) out on the back porch. It is cold out there, but she has a great comfortable spot to curl upon. Dogs do remarkably well in this cold weather, isn't that strange? Give them food and water and some Loving attention and they manage quite well. So finally I'm heading off to sleep and my wife wakes me up at three o'clock in the morning. She starts to ask questions, and I try to explain, she never read what I wrote, she loves me, but she doesn't read my writings, and yet she loves to read, she hates politics. While I am interested in politics and other sciences; I would try to get my daughter interested in my writing as well. Why is this stuff like pulling teeth? I guess, it didn't help when I read that four page document on the ‘Evolution of Religion’ to her taking more than a minute of her time. I read on for about what, twenty minutes or so? I read aloud to my daughter and I became so choked up on the words that I had written, it probably turned her off from politics forever! While at the same time, I think she knew. This paper it was something very special to me, her mother didn't catch on to that. I think it is a work unto itself. Like a biography or a thesis statement. What really would impress me is to see what my son thinks about it.

My Son worked with the other computer the other day doing research on Martin Luther King and he, out of the blue, told me that he could envision me being just like MLK.

So at three o'clock in the morning I started to share with my wife, “the woman that was looking for a hero, of a man.” She wanted me to help her, and I told her that I would hold her up; I told her I needed a woman that I can put onto that pedestal and lift up and support, the woman that reaches down and pulls me up and helps me grow... I told her not to worry about the time that I spend on the computer, it is fleeting, it is necessary for me to do my work and the work that I do is to share the knowledge that will set straight the path for our country and make possible for a day of peace around the world.

I told her how the world evolved from the primitive Earth, the growing of the land from the center of the molten core, the smaller mass that was growing outward when the ocean covered the Earth and was then separated as the land like spikes started shooting upward to the surface growing out and up and as this happened large pieces of land fell into the ocean causing great waves to splash up on distant shores, I told how life evolved in many locations some developed and grew and never relocated while some of the land masses grew and broke off and as the center of the Earth grew outward and upward and as plates carried large portions of land away and divided one mass into several masses where the life forming and growing over time became different and evolved, great numbers were created and the land supported all of them.

I told my wife of the future, and of the current dangers, that we face. How our low lying communities are threatened. I told her of the threat to our great society, the financial ruin, that ‘we as a society’ we’re on the verge of being destroyed, because of our greed. How over so many centuries one group of people had controlled the wealth. While many had died for a lack of means to grow and barter for the goods that they made, or needed. I talked about the good and the bad, the corruption in our government, and how our democratic capitalistic society, has failed our fellow man. I explained that corruption is the key to the evil in our world, even in socialistic forms of government when the few control the health of so many, such a great responsibility they have.

I took about an hour of her time, talking and sharing my thoughts, she claims to have been listening. I wonder? Once I told her as much as I could, I then told her that I loved her... She knows this and she has known for a long time. She asked me, “if I made the right choice?” I assured her, “I know I did.” I told her that I had my doubts a couple of times and that is well documented. Probably those thoughts are put together better on her side of the story; but I to, had a side of the story, that was less known. And I knew that I wasn't wrong for being a man and alive. I was and am living on instinct, a survivor, first and a helper of others second.

In part of the conversation, we were talking about dogs and cats, and how the animals live on instincts, and how we should never interfere with the instincts of animals or people. But sadly enough it appears as if we have found a way to interfere with peoples instincts and thought processes. We have taken away an important tool, communication... Expressions of thought, we made certain thoughts taboo... We put curses upon people and ideas and we failed to see how we would curse the next generation by restricting their freedoms to think instinctively. We had a lot of laughter yesterday as I took my daughter to get checked out for an irritation that developed on her hands. See she was using chemical creams on her skin, you know how I love the chemical companies? Don't you? Well anyway after seeing the doctor we had a grocery list of things we needed to buy. So off to the pharmacy we go, my daughter asks the pharmacist to fill the doctors list, but because most of the items were over the counter cleansers, lotions, creams, and cotton gloves. We were directed to the isles to locate the items for ourselves. The pharmacist looked at me kind of odd, and I explained, “she had purchased fragrant crème or lotion chemicals, and now needed to purchase more chemicals to repair the damaged caused by the chemicals she first purchased.” With that I added, "I hate chemical companies." As much as it is my will to keep certain things out of my house and no matter how many times I try to explain it, I am always the bad guy because I am saying, “there are things that we need to abstain from.” Does this mean that ALL chemicals are bad? Certainly I have not said that, but what I have said, is that I like the way that GOD made things naturally. Maybe that sense of smell is also a tool, to tell us that we have gotten to close, to some one or something, it is like a proximity alarm. Maybe with the sense of smell, we are greeting, in the New Year, with the fragrance of spring, and with so much to do... With that knowledge, we spring to life, where the living is grand, and as we do for ourselves, we also do for others, working in a community living and accepted by society...

So this morning I walked my son to school. You know the type of school that is a public school where the school is part of the Community School district, the community where we pay our community taxes, from the pay check that has removed from it our Social Security Savings... Or our future retirement savings plan with matching funds from our employer, in the form of 401K's... And of course we can't ever forget that almighty Health Care Insurance for that great Social System of Medical Care... But in a Democracy we have our Freedoms to Choose... We can go to work or we can work around our homes... But we don't get paid for our homework, it is voluntary... There are ‘no beliefs’ in paying ‘benefits’ to those, that help solve, the problems of our government in a system that doesn't believe in GOD...

The Vision;

So’ where was I going with all of this and the invasion into Iraq? This ‘war’ we are in attempting to impose ‘our’ wonderful system of Democracy. Where once again, we will fail to spread our beliefs, in democratic rule, like in Vietnam, or Cuba... I had this picture of a disease being injected into the Middle East, where something is being forced upon people like an immunization injection. If only the vaccine will take root and improve the immune system from the evil that passes by. But if the immunity system is already strong from the work that is performed outside, whether it is play or just spending a day away, walking and running throwing Frisbee, playing catch or looking for bunnies with the golden doggy. We all need to exercise, regularly if we are not overburdened with too many other things to do... If I recall the people of the Middle East make pilgrimages to Mecca, on a recent event peace was not the result, but a sign was given from the Heavens a sign that peace is on the way. GOD’s Blessing to ALL. I wonder how many of the farmers in Cambodia said, “Jesus Christ” as that rock fell from the sky and burned up those fields. Surely Jesus could return in any form. In one or in ALL.

The fall of Democracy, the signs, that we need to change course, and direction, when we want to fix Social Security and end up removing what we need, with out a real fix in sight, near sighted thinking leads to short and certain failures. When debt is high and the government has once again over spent to bring war and line the pockets of the wealthy, while the persecuted poor are left behind. When the President is waving a white flag, but nobody is listening, A program of No Child Left behind, a call to other nations that we know we are going down soon Democracy will fail and the Third World Nations will be empowered and we the Child of Civilization have just realized the error of our ways, we have finally grown up to see the foolishness of our youth and to become accountable to the rest of the world for our use and make no excuses admitting that we are a greedy nation. We have oppressed many people and possessed the power to help so many yet we suppressed and depressed other nations and our time is at hand where we now acknowledge that our gluttony is a sin. We need to make a bridge of peace from with in the system, from with in our religion, from with in our own hearts. For we are the terrorist in our own backyard, and we have failed to acknowledge our own faults as a country and a people we have twisted and lied, we changed the course of history by forcing people to submit to writing only from the perspective of the Government first. We have suppressed the Truth over time, we can evidence this in the letter written by Daniel Boone, his testimony. While true, it is prejudiced, and that is so obvious. In the end we start to find that ALL people are to be equal, brothers. And that is the key for me. We are a prejudiced nation and it is in our religion that the prejudice was first written.

Prejudice, like a pendulum can swing, first you have negative prejudice that leads to bigotry and harm to other people. This can happen by having false statements written into the record. Or it is just as simple as becoming upset at a particular look, or holding a particular thought. Senator John Kerry getting excommunicated from the Catholic Church is a good example. Negative prejudice can control the thoughts of other people, it is bad or evil.

And then there is positive Prejudice, where we give to much credit or protection to any one particular group in society and this also causes an imbalance in the Social system.

It is something to consider, negative and positive, we need to remove the evil and work on equality for ALL